Worried About Opthalmologist Appointment Today. Strabismus Mentioned. SUPPORT?

 

 

Worried About Opthalmologist Appointment Today. Strabismus Mentioned.

2-23-2012

My little twinkies are 23 months & 3 weeks old.

 

 

I have like 15 things on my mind this morning, none of which are good, but it’s been a very stressful time over here, so it makes today even worse because I am super nervous. What about? Annaliese’s eye doctor appointment. I never mentioned this ‘issue’ here because I have honestly been putting it in the back of my mind, fighting to keep it there. Don’t talk about it..maybe it will go away, but it’s not.

 

Annie’s left eye I noticed started to turn in, not all the time but some of the time. I really started noticing it in certain photos. I tried to think that maybe it was the flash of the camera annoying her eyes, but the more I thought about it, read about it online which was an awful thing to do but at the same time a good thing because I need to at least get her checked out..the more nervous and scared I have become. Then hubby finally confirmed that he saw it to which he formally denied. I knew now I wasn’t crazy, but it created a massive panic in me.

 

 

Why was this happening all of the sudden to my perfect little girl? I certainly never noticed a thing until a certain picture on their 18 month birthday. Before that, all pictures have her eyes completely and perfectly adjusted, aligned, and normal. I have a way of making petty things appear larger then life due to my own battle with BDD through the years, so I can’t really trust my own eyes sometimes. Now that it’s been confirmed by others, it’s REAL. Real freaks me out.

 

Now, I don’t know if it’s ME, or if it has worsened, but I see it more often now, and in far more pictures which has alarmed me. That and reading about something called lazy eye or Strabismus which can require patching, glasses, sometimes even surgery has made my heart sink..praying that is not the diagnosis I hear today.

 

What I read about it, sounds like these are common treatments.

 

#1. Patching? Yeah…OK.

This child is the temperamental, tantrum-throwing diva out of the two, who doesn’t like anything on her that is new or different. She would NEVER wear a patch, plus she has a twin who’d rip it off of her just for funsies.

 

#2. Glasses?

HA! Between her and Allie I’d say at least 18-25 pairs of daddy’s cheap reading glasses have been snapped like twigs by the feisty duo. They love getting their hands on glasses, but this child would NEVER wear them for any period more then about 3 or 4 seconds. That won’t work. Plus, they’d be busted in about 15 minutes.

 

Admittedly, my friend’s daughter is/was (haven’t seen her in some time), severely cross eyed, and just seeing her so young in those glasses always made me feel so bad for her. I know many children are, but I can’t help that feeling. I won’t lie, it would truly hurt me to see them on my child at 23 months of age. I really can’t even picture it.

 

#3. SURGERY?

 Mama P. can’t even stomach that word in the same sentence as one of my childrens’ names after the utter hell I went through with my son before his passing. The post traumatic stress disorder and anxiety I was diagnosed with from all he endured, and I endured along with him, and then his death, though this is minuscule seemingly in comparison, trust me…the thought of anything beyond a common cold and my child makes me want to fall over. I have no stomach left. No strength. Nor tolerance for any more bad news, and God forbid that horrible ‘S’ word which I will not write again.

 

Someone on Facebook who checked out Annie’s photos said it looked like something called Pseudostrabismus and it would fix itself over time, and was like an illusion of sorts. I felt relieved, but then again it’s not like hearing it from an actual specialist, but admittedly comforting. I’m just so scared. We waited for this appointment so that we could bring her to the best, and now the day has come, my knees are as weak as they could be.

 

My belly is tied up in knots, and I don’t want to go because I can’t stand any more. I’m just soo spent from life, I can’t handle any bad news, struggles, hardships. It’s all I have ever known. My whole life has been pardon my French..CRAP, and with the worst luck possible. I NEED good news today. Not just WANT, but NEED!

 

This is finally my time..our time to try and be happy, and now I have concerns over my husband’s health, serious ones…my own issues going on. I really can’t have this on my plate to. PLEASE send prayers to little Annie today. Pray it is in fact pseudo, so I can breathe again, because right now I am so nervous I’m shaking. To think about surgery, possible vision problems, etc…I just CAN’T! I think God knows I have had beyond my share.

 

Wish us luck. I’ll update tomorrow.

 

PS- I just read that in true Strabismus in photos, which I have TONS of, the flash doesn’t reflect off the light in the same place and it’s noticeable that way. I just checked about 200 photos and it seems that the light is basically reflecting the same in both eyes. I’m getting some real hope here. Should I be? Anybody has anything to add quickly before 2 pm do tell!

 

What I saw online vs. my baby

 

 

?????????

 

Anyone?