Why As We Grow Older & Become Mom’s & So On, Are Expected To Act, Dress, Look & BE A Certain Way?

 

 

 Playing The Part Of Mom…Playing The Part Of Woman…..

Must one look the part?  Why must we conform?

 10-31-2010

 

 

First off, I would like to say, to everybody, HAPPY HALLOWEEN!  I hope everybody has a fun filled & wonderful day! 

 

 Now, before the festivities begin over in my home, and homes all across the nation, there are a few things, that stuck in my brain this morning, and I was just curious, as to how you all feel about them.

 

Of course, there is a time and a place,  where being serious, and completely in mom-mode, is absolutely 110% called for & necessary, but what about other times?  Can we ever just loosen up a bit, and re-unite ourselves, with our former selves, in a sense? 

 

What I’m trying to say, is that we will always be in mom-mode, to some extent, and of course, while we are with our children, but must we always be forced to stay in a certain ‘zone’, because we are one?  Meaning being serious all the time, and conforming to the laws of the land, that says we got to look the part, 24-7?

 

Our job is  to protect our kids,  but are we not allowed to let our hair down, if you will, and act like how we feel inside?  YOUNG, VIBRANT, and EMPOWERED?  (Even maybe, sexy sometimes, or is that just too taboo?)  I don’t think it should be.  To me…Mom means MARVELOUS!

 

Just because we are mothers, we are expected to turn into a certain type of person, it seems.  Serious, most all the time, stern, dress a certain way, have our hair and make up, a certain way, and this increases with our age as well, it seems.   If you don’t fit this bill sometimes, you can get shunned from the ‘Mommy community.  (The ‘In’ moms….Yes, we all know, that this kind of cliquishness still exists, past 30). 

 

 I personally don’t fit this mold.  I get older, but I still cling to my youth, through my mind set, clothing, hair, makeup, everything has stayed pretty constant, because I truly don’t feel any older, and I’m confident in that I am a damn good mother, and no one could ever take that away from me.

 

Granted, I may look older through time (who doesn’t), but in my mind, it doesn’t register, that I’m of this certain age, this age of 35, therefore, change, change, change…it’s not what I want, or who I am, so why should I be forced to? 

 

 I do feel different then the other moms sometimes, but luckily I have the kind, sweet, and funny personality, where I still manage to fit in with most of them, but my husband likes to point out, how I look like I’m still clinging to my youth (As if, he should be talking.  He’s way ahead of me ). 

 

I don’t understand, what does that mean?  Why can’t I just be ME? (Though sometimes ME, does enjoy a nice pair of comfy sweatpants & a pony tail, don’t get me wrong!)

 

What is looking, and acting your age, and what are the guidelines?  I mean, ever notice how a woman’s hair seemingly gets shorter and shorter, as she gets older?  Ever see an old lady with really long hair?  It’s a rarity, to say the least.  Is it just expected?  It almost seems like an ‘around the world’ rule. 

 

Ok, It’s time for that SNIP, SNIP!  And also, at what age does that cotton candy, ‘Betty White’ hair, (Whom I just adore her, just using her to describe), suddenly appear?  Will we all inevitably get it?  Well, guess I won’t care about it much when I get there, but who knows, perhaps I may?  I have a 86 yr old MIL, who may have short hair, but she still dresses up and rocks some makeup!  GO GIRL!

 

If I look back on photographs, my mom in her 20′s, had gorgeous long, flowing hair, when she had us.  Then in her 30′s, it got shorter, and I can see an obvious change in her makeup, and clothing style.   Then in her early 40′s the hair, got even shorter, and makeup lighter.  Clothing turned into more of a ‘Donna Reed’ style, if you will.

 

Then now, in her 60′s, her hair is shorter then ever, and she hardly wears makeup ever, anymore.  Why is this?  Surely she could still rock some tresses, and a bit of mascara?

 

It’s weird.  Not only that, but what about just personality.  I had my boys when I was quite young, and I played on the playground with them, had all the energy in the world.  Was the hands on mom & dad combined.  Just everything wrapped up in one, parent.   I was in my early to mid 20′s when they were young, and no one batted an eye at me really.

 

Now, in my mid 30′s, when I act the same way, and climb through Chuck E. Cheese tubes with my daughter, or swing on the monkey bars then sail down the slide, with my her on my lap,  as I did 10-12 years ago, people look my way sometimes, like ‘This isn’t the norm.’  I say to hell with ‘The norm’, if that phrase truly even exists. 

 

Why can’t I be active, and have fun?   MUST I always sit on the bench and watch from a far?  Am I not allowed to participate, not ever?  Granted I’m not needed as much lately, as a playmate, but when the twins are older, and I’m closer to 40, do you think anything is going to change?  I don’t see it happening. 

 

 I’m still going to be a ‘Hands on mommy’,  just because that’s me.  My personality, and I happen to find being a big kid sometimes, darn fun, is who I am, therefore why should I, or anybody for that matter, have to change?  Why does a number, have to dictate my actions, and my sense of style either? 

 

I hardly ever see mom’s acting like big kids with their children.  Maybe they want to, but are afraid of what people might think?  I don’t know.  It’s a double standard though, because you are more apt to see the dad’s acting like that, and being all goofy, and it seems regardless of age, it’s all O.K, where the men are concerned.  Not fair!  (Just like how we get older, and they get more distinguished..HA!)

 

 If anything, people, (myself included), go,  ’Aww. That’s a good fun, dad’, and we like seeing dad’s take part, but I’d be equally, if not more thrilled, to see those mommies take action, which happens, but is more rare then it should be, at least where I live at.

 

I am not talking about over the top, blatant insanity.  I saw that once before, and I still couldn’t tell you, what that woman was on, (Definitely SOMETHING), but you know what I mean.  There really IS  a time and a place for everything, and I don’t see why, I’m not allowed to play with my kids at the park, and not just sit on the side lines, if that is what I choose, simply because I’m ‘The mom’, and I’m not 20 anymore.  Why would that be viewed as weird? 

 

 Sure a lot of the time now,  I sit back with the twins, and feed them, entertain them, and what have you, but why would it be so taboo for a mom to partake in the fun in the park, just using this as one example.  There are many things I am speaking of here.  Things moms are just expected to no longer do.  HOGWASH, I say. 

 

Sometimes we all need to let our inner ‘Big kid’, out to play, if you ask me.  I just wonder when everything just changes, and society tries to force you, to become another person, on the inside and out.  Is it when you become pregnant, when you are a mom, right after your baby’s 1st birth, at 30 years old?   What is it EXACTLY?  When is the turning point?

 

Of course people change and ‘Grow up’, shall we say, when you become a mom naturally, you do so, in many different ways, but why should that mean, all of the things, I am speaking of here?  Does it mean you can no longer express yourself, and be at least, part of the person, you always have been?  I don’t want to lose who I am, and always have been.

  

Also, I believe,  a mother, should be a mother, AND a friend, even if the 1st part, has to be more prevalent, then the latter, most times.  There is a fine line between mother and friend, when it comes to your children, and one must be careful with it, but I always wanted a mom who was my friend to, but only got the other side of the coin, and felt jealous towards my friends who ‘Had it all’, shall we say. 

 

 So,  I take great pride that my kids feel as if they can always come to me,  and ask anything, share anything, etc.,  yet I can still command proper respect from them, and  give out,  a ‘time out’,  when needed, as well.   To me, on that side of things, it’s all abut creating balance,  not crossing over lines, but what about in your own personal life?  Can you still be YOU, after becoming a mom, or reaching a certain age?   My answer is YES, YES, YES!  

 

Though I don’t predict myself being a 75 year old woman,  with long raven hair, cascading down to my hiney.  I do predict still having my own sense of style,  still maintaining, my own zany sense of  humor, and forever clinging on to, my own unique flavor, that makes, Shelly, SHELLY!

 

I believe in life,  whatever YOU feel comfortable in doing,  is what you should do.  There should be no peer pressure, once we are out of high school.  Let’s close those doors, once and for all, but I believe it’s just fine, for someone to accentuate their positive features at any age, and be as young as they feel on the inside, on the outside as well. 

 

And,  if you have nice legs, why can’t you show them off,  by wearing a skirt, that Lord help me, goes a bit above the knee?  Not up to your neck of course, but again…fine line & balance.  Every occasion has it’s proper attire, and  you are a role model to, so things do change, but you can still be you!

 

 

If you have nice lips, bring them out with some lipstick, if you wish to.   Have  nice hair?   Let it blow  in the breeze.  I mean even at 60, why must it be all lopped off, unless that is what YOU want, not just because it’s the norm.  What is ‘The norm’ anyway?  It’s a farce, why conform?  We are woman…hear us ROAR!

 

 When I see a woman on the beach that is happily, sporting a bikini, which  I don’t like walking around in a bikini anymore, only out back, in the yard, but maybe one day that will change, and I will, but it requires some more confidence, then what I have in me, just yet.

 

But, as I was saying,  when I see someone walking, who might be, what some may refer to as, ’Out of shape’, and even if they are older in age, or whatever,  I look at them like,  ’You go girl’,  never like  ’Ewe gross’, regardless of age, size, or what have you.   I think that confidence they posses, is absolutely BEAUTIFUL! 

 

I applaud confidence, and I envy it!  It’s probably the most awesome personality trait, a woman can possess.  Sometimes, we need to have more of it!  Granted, I am not talking about going topless or wearing thongs and such, around kids, that is a HUGE no-no, and the line is boldly drawn there, in dark marker, but I mean, just feeling good about yourself, and allowing yourself to be a mom, and a woman to!

 

I think more of us need to learn to feel that good about ourselves, regardless of how old we get, & the changes in our skin and our bodies.  Accept ourselves, find beauty in ourselves, and be confident regardless.  I don’t think there should be rules, written, spoken, or even implied, about growing up, growing older, and conforming.

 

As long, as I’m not an embarrassment to my children, which so far so good  , I’ll continue to be myself, for as long as humanly possible.  I just find it so interesting, how you can easily note these changes with women at certain ages, all around the world, and I’m not saying EVERY woman, but enough to be able to make note of it, and be able to ask ourselves, ‘Why is this?’

 

 Never be afraid to be, who you feel you are inside.  To enjoy time with your family to the fullest, without fear of other’s opinions of you. To wear your hair as you wish (But please no purple mohawks, again, there is a line there, *Smile*, but hey, even a mohawk, I guess if you are that confident, and the family thinks your cool, then what the hell, ha ha). 

 

And just be a confident woman, a strong mommy, and a happy person!  Let your inner diva shine through..ALWAYS!

 

That is the best gift you can ever give yourself….To BE yourself!  You are special, unique, and beautiful:) 

 

Have a wonderful day, and God bless you all!