When You Become A Mother….(Super Funny)

 

When You Become A Mother…. 

(Super Funny)

 7-27-2012

 

 

1. You give up roughly 90% (maybe 95%) of your privacy.

 Hello!

 

 

2. You give up nicely manicured nails with pretty acrylic tips for at least 2 years, if not 3. (Maybe you give them up altogether.)

 Who has time to even keep up with the frequent paint chipping?

 

 

3. You have little parts of your heart walking around the Earth that only stay under your parental control for so long .

If only those little pieces of you would stay in the same place for a second or two. At least move a bit more slowly.

 

 

4. You no longer find a super-shitty diaper disgusting. I mean the ones where the crap literally travels up the back and everything. It gets on your hands, everything that was underneath them, etc.

 Crap…it’s not just for after breakfast anymore.

 

 

5. You give up your dream of traveling though Europe, and will settle now for a Disney World vacation, complete with Mickey Mouse ears…THE WORKS!

 Sexy, huh?

 

 

6. The minivan doesn’t sound as ghastly as it once had. Granted, many moms still prefer a good ‘ol SUV instead, but seriously…remember your beautiful car? Or the car of your dreams that you would have someday?

 That’s just as good, no? Oh well…Maybe one day I’ll be the hippest granny on the block .

 

 

7. You let your roots slide a bit. And some days you wash your hair..some days weeks you don’t.

Your hair can be crazier than the kids are some days. (Though it’s a mighty tight race.)

 

 

8. Staying up all night takes on an entirely new meaning. Both then and now the activities of the night-time hours leave you exhausted the next day, just minus the hangover.

 

Yup, sleep is for babies. Whenever THEY feel like it!

 

 

9. Shaving your legs becomes a luxury..NOT a priority.

 I mean seriously..how much time in the shower do we actually GET? If you ever get above the knee you are truly blessed!

 

 

10. What you once got done in a day takes 3 months to complete.

 (That is, if it ever does.)

 

 

  11. You’ve never handled a camera so much in your life.

Carpal Tunnel Syndrome becomes a real possibility. 

 

 

12. You find out more about your husband or partner than you ever knew before your children came along.

 

This is your best case scenario, however, I don’t think this family is a real one .

 

 

13. You find out who your real friends are. Those who’ll be there for you, and those who will begin to drift away.

 

 

14. Your scrapbooks begin to go unfinished, with more empty pages than ever before. But one day, I’m sure, (you and I both) will get to it. Maybe when all of the kids are in school. (???)

 

 

15. Getting up and out the door is a much more complicated and lengthy process.

 

 

16. Your nipples are sore for entirely different reasons than they used to be.

 Oh yeah, breasts do serve a far greater purpose than filling up a bra and being fondled for occasional pleasure. Who knew?

 

 

17. Your refrigerator no longer has a photograph of your precious kitty cat or dog on it. It’s been overtaken.

 (Sorry Fluffy & Fido.)

 

 

18. It’s no longer, ”Let’s have sex baby!” It’s more like, ”When can we have sex honey?”

 

 

19. You look back on all the judgements you made about other moms and think to yourself now, ”Wow, I am so sorry. I totally get it now.”

”I swear I didn’t know!”

 

 

20. You thought you knew what falling in love was like. You thought you had a full life. You thought you were complete. You thought you couldn’t give any more of yourself to another human being in this world, and then yes….you became a mother!