What Makes YOU Beautiful? The REAL Beauty Buzz. Plus, How We Impact Our Kid’s Self Esteem.

 

 

 

What Makes YOU Beautiful?  The REAL Beauty Buzz.  Plus, How We Impact Our Kid’s Self Esteem.

1-22-2011

 

 

True beauty, is you being you!  

I decided to take this seed, my 2nd one (Yay), and plant it, following the inspiring post I read by the beautiful, both inside and out blogger, at:  Finding my way. 

 

Nowadays anyhow, I believe myself to be an insanely good judge of character, and in my opinion, this is one amazing woman, whose got the whole package, and writes a mean post (good thing ).  So go check out her blog folks.

 

What you see isn’t always what you get, is it?  We discussed that in marriages recently, but it’s also true in appearances of individuals, as well. 

 

 When you see someone that the world deems really attractive, can’t that opinion quickly change once you get to know them, and find that their personality is downright ugly?  Doesn’t that change how they appear in your eyes? 

 

Also, what about someone deemed unattractive by the world, but has a smashing personality, and is brimming with confidence, and a really great heart?  Don’t those people become increasingly more beautiful in your eyes?   It’s like all of their great attributes just shine through, and any short comings diminish. 

 

It’s a bizarre, but I believe a totally real phenomenon, which proves the theory about REAL beauty.  It does come from within.  It’s the only kind of beauty, that never fades away and dies, but doesn’t command enough importance in our world today, however, it should.

 

It’s incredible to me, the way outer beauty seems to rule the world, more so now, then even back in my day, which was bad enough, in my opinion.  I didn’t think it could get worse, but it does with each passing generation.

 

For someone who has battled self esteem issues, bullying, abuse, an eating disorder at one point, and Body Dysmorphic Disorder for about 15 years, if not longer, I have never had a high opinion of myself on the outside, and I don’t have to go too far to wonder why.  It’s the entire world around us!

 

 It didn’t help that it was ingrained into my mind at an early age, that I was clearly no barbie doll, which it seemed like that is what my mom wanted desperately, and I couldn’t live up to that standard…or any standard my parents had, for that matter.

 

It is truly no wonder why I fell for the bad boys who hurt & disrespected me, until the fortunate meeting of my wonderful husband.  I mean DUH.  I really don’t blame myself for any of that anymore.

 

Parents might not be able to stop you from being called names in school, but they certainly contribute in a HUGE way to your feelings of self-worth, during your childhood and even beyond, and how you may react to such bullying, or at least how much it will affect you. 

 

 It’s really sad when you not only get emotionally damaged from the world, but from your own flesh and blood.  That’s even worse.  Far worse.  What can you possibly believe yourself to be, if your own parents don’t nurture your ego?

 

So what is true beauty?  Is it really just a pretty face, and a nice body?  No, it’s so much more then that, and people need to open their eyes and realize it.  I find confidence to be the most beautiful thing ever. 

 

Not the over the top cocky kind of confidence, like ‘Look at me, I’m the bomb, I’m the hottest thing ever.’  Not that, as I believe you all know what I am saying here.  But true, ‘Nothing or nobody is going to hold me back.  I’m amazing, and I can do anything I set my mind out to do’, kind of confidence.  THAT is hot!

 

A sincere love of oneself that nobody can touch or damage, because the person believes in it.  They believe in themselves, walk with pride, and light in their eyes.  They go for every opportunity they find, and never let life pass them by, because of self doubt. 

 

No sitting on the sidelines feeling sorry for themselves.  This type of person feels she is beautiful, strong, and amazing, therefore she is.  THAT is what I always wanted! 

 

To me, that is honestly even better then being what the world would consider to be ’beautiful’ and ‘stunning’, and not feeling it.  What’s the good in that, if you don’t even believe it’s true?  So, definitely confidence is the key, and the good thing about it, is that anybody can obtain it, and it’s free of charge, so everybody can afford it.

 

Makes no matter if you are 100 pounds or 300 pounds, when you walk with your head held high, feeling good, and loving who you are, that really does shine through, and make you more appealing.  I was the girl always staring down at the floor, hair pulled over my face, avoiding public places, but finally I said, ‘SCREW THIS!’ 

 

We are all created in God’s image, we are all equal, so why do I care so much, what every Tom, Dick, Harry, and Sally on the street think of me, and I became empowered.   It took a lot of years, and a lot of tears, but I have come a long way.

 

I’m  not saying there aren’t a million things about my appearance I wouldn’t like to change, to help boost my confidence level, but does that ever really work anyway?  Not always. 

 

I’m not saying that I am fully accepting of myself, and am thrilled about what I see in the mirror, because I’m clearly not, but I am saying that for once in my life, I am happy to be me.  I like the person that I am, and I can finally compliment myself, and be happier inside my own skin. 

 

I am intelligent…I am talented….I am a strong person….I am a kind and compassionate human being….I am special, and unique, and to hell with anybody who doesn’t like me for what I am, and not for what I’m not, because we can’t change the world’s opinions.  We can only change our own mindset. 

 

I can’t make everybody in the world like or love me, and that is ‘ok’, because that goal is unattainable.  I feel bad for myself that I ever even had such an impossible goal.  It’s about you liking and loving you, and you being a kind, and good human being.  It isn’t about anybody else.

 

I have to think about myself, my family, and what they think about me.  That matters more then the people I bump into on the street.  They shouldn’t mean anything to me, and they shouldn’t mean anything to YOU! 

 

How it took so long for me to finally find what real beauty is, and say I honestly see some in myself, is a mystery.  I’m just glad that it’s finally happened!

 

Looks, they wither away with time, but the heart, the heart lives on forever, and is where every body’s true beauty lies.  Nobody can stay outwardly beautiful forever, no matter how hard they try, or how much cosmetic surgery they have. 

 

That is why it’s so important to instill in our children, that despite the increasingly superficial world we live in, where 6 years olds are talking about, ‘do these jeans make me look fat?’  Which is damn sad, that there are far more important things to strive for, then looking like the head cheerleader in school, or the girl on the cover of Seventeen Magazine. 

 

Some of the most physically attractive people in the world, are downright ugly on the inside.  Would you choose worldly beauty over having friends, and being liked as a human being? 

 

Would you rather be loved and appreciated for who you really are, or for how you look, which won’t last forever?   Moms, dads, friends, family, have more effect a child’s self esteem, then most even realize. 

 

I realize it, because I lived through it.  So I make sure to teach my kids what is important, and now with 3 girls in my life, this is HUGE.  Though our sons may suffer with this in some ways, and may to have a hard time in school as well, or struggle to find their true identity.

 

It’s just a fact of life, that girls have the hardest time with this, and girls are simply more cruel and more judgemental with one another.  Just a plain, ‘ol fact!  (Short end of the stick again..hey ladies?)

 

 Could it be the airbrushed images we see in magazines, and the former models and beauty queens we see parading around on most television shows, and in movies, with their asses out, because I won’t lie, these things still make me uncomfortable.

 

Sometimes I won’t watch a movie or go see one, if say Jessica Alba is the lead, or Angelina Jolie, or if there are young college girls galavanting around in it. 

 

Why do I want to feel weird and uncomfortable in front of my husband?  I HATE that feeling, but even trying to avoid it, you really can’t.  Flawless, unreal faces, are plastered everywhere we turn, and this is what our children are seeing to!  Remember that.  It might not be 100% real, but young kids, they don’t realize that.

 

Eventually, this is what our girls see and look up to, and they are comparing themselves to their own roles models while young, like Miley Cyrus, or Victoria Justice, among other young celebs, and it’s going to happen that they wish they had hair like this person, and why can’t I have her skin, or look more like her.  I want to BE her!

 

That happens in most every young lady, but it’s starting earlier and earlier now, which is a very tragic thing.  Time spent in youth, is further dwindling away, so let’s fight to keep our kids as strong and confident as we possibly can, so they can stay young and innocent, for as long as humanly possible. 

 

 Use that power you as a mother possess, for good, and your child will reap the benefits, long term.

 

I personally do wear makeup, I do like nice clothes, and I do try to make the most of what I have got, for as long as I have got it.  Which as the years pass, isn’t long, as most of it has seems to have left already . 

 

I still don’t feel beautiful, or ever consider myself to be pretty, or even good-looking, but I accept myself more then I ever have before.  I’ll try and look my best for me, but I don’t have to please anybody else.  You just can’t please everybody anyway, so why bother trying?

 

 My quest for outward beauty my whole life, whether to please my mother, to fit in, to be recognized and complimented, and feel adored and accepted, was a farce.  It was never going to make me genuinely happy. 

 

It wasn’t going to fill the voids inside of my heart.  Family, friends, kids, true love, those are things that fill the voids in your heart, and are what matter most. 

 

  I was looking for all the wrong things, when I should have been looking to better myself from within, and forget about outward appearances…break free from the mold, and strive to be a success in life. 

 

The only opinion that should have mattered was my own, but the only opinions that shaped who I was, and what I thought about myself was everybody BUT me.  How truly sad is that? 

 

To enjoy my kids, to embrace my positive qualities instead of focusing on my short comings.  To be free from the pain of my past, and know I am just as good as anybody else, and find confidence in that, which is one thing I definitely haven’t had since I was like 10 or 11 years old, but am building back now, at 35.  That is the key.

 

It’s perfectly fine to want to lose weight, and/or exercise for a healthier, firmer body, and wear lipstick and do your hair, to try and like what you see in the mirror.  This is normal, and sometimes all it takes is a pretty new dress, or a new hairstyle,to make you feel pretty darn good,  but we need to watch out for our children.

 

They are growing up way too fast nowadays, and we got to be careful not just what we say, but what our kids see from us to.  Sometimes actions speak louder then words, and little children want to be like their mommies, so we must walk a fine line, when we are in personal disarray.

 

I’ve kept this whole self esteem issue in the closet.  I don’t want anything rubbing off on anybody, the way my own mother’s issues rubbed off on me.  You need to be a positive role model, and enhance self esteem, not hinder it. 

 

Tell your children you are proud of them every day.  It will show down the line.  Let them know they are one of a kind, beautiful in their own ways, and in every way, and are so important to this world, and to you!

 

You may even slip and say something like, ‘That dress looks awful.  I’d take it off, and try something else’, and a low self esteem child can feel like you are basically saying, ‘I’m not good enough for that dress’, and feel like they need to change themselves in any ways necessary to gain that parental approval, that they shouldn’t have to fight for.  This is just one small example, but you know where I’m going here.

 

This can lead to depression in a child, which  can lead to very destructive behaviors, which is nothing any parent wants to have to live with.  So watch what you say, even if something seems innocent in your mind, you got to think it through, because the world is damaging enough, you don’t want to contribute, you want to alleviate, so support your kids, in every way that you can. 

 

Catch yourself, before you speak, and say,  ’Can this be turned around somehow and misconstrued?  Is this a positive statement?’  It NEEDS to be positive!

 

Be smart with your kids from day 1, always compliment them, but also always let them know, that true, true beauty is inside of them, and that we will all grow old and grey, but our inner beauty will never fade away.  They are smart, unique, special, amazing, talented, lovely, incredible human beings. 

 

Don’t ever let them feel like they don’t measure up, or don’t make you proud, trust me.  It’s so destructive it ruined many facets of my life, in so many ways.  My childhood was ruined, my teenage-hood was ruined, and the beyond has been completely affected. 

 

Thank God for a man who enjoyed a great challenge, for without him, I just don’t know where I’d be today, in all honesty.  I love you honey.  You saved me, in more ways then you know.

 

I’m sorry this is so very long.  My apologies.  When I feel strongly about something, and also have some personal experience to go along with it, it tends to make a simple blog post, turn into a novel. 

 

 If you got this far I thank you, and appreciate your taking time out to read.  I KNOW you all have very busy schedules, so it means a lot to me.

 

God bless you, and have a terrific week!

 

 

 

Real beauty is embracing who you are, and reflecting your beauty outward, from within.  

Accepting your flaws, and loving your assets… The biggest one, being your heart. 

  Real beauty never hits the surface.  It lies within us all, and is never skin deep. -  Mama Possible