Twins To Be Or To Not To Be In The Same Class At School That Is The Question & Should Parents Have The Final Say?
My cutie pies are 4 years, 10 months, 3 weeks & 6 days old.
OK, I know we spoke about the subject of twins being separated in school once before, but I wasn’t even close to being there yet. Now my girls will be turning 5 shortly, and in September they will be starting kindergarten. Every set of twins I have known that go to our school have been separated starting in kindergarten. Um, not very sure how I feel about this, though I do see both sides of the coin. The benefits vs. the cons and potential excess anxiety on an only 5 year old child being away from his or her twin for the very 1st time.
Singletons only deal with being separated from their parents.
My girls go to dance together, they go to nursery school together, they go to gymnastics together. They may not always seem like the most bonded set of twins I know, but they do pair up quite a bit socially, and I was told in school as well. Although more social Annie does bring friends into the group, and on Allie’s report card yesterday it shows that she is making friends to, though in public I usually don’t see that, but it apparently happens now.
I have seen Allie (in the past) get jealous of Annie running off to play with somebody else and coming to me in tears not wanting to join the pack, but I think in school now the tides are slowly turning, and they are both being social now. This is awesome news to me. Allie does get jealous if I help another child do something or push them on the swing or what have you. She will get very mad and possessive of me, more so then she ever had with Annie. Annie could not care less as long as she isn’t ignored in the process. So they definitely have blossomed socially while still being together, but you can still see the need for their co-twin emotionally. I think kindergarten would be too big of a shock and a stress for them to be parted just yet, especially for Allie. And I do not think me wanting them together for one last year would impact their entire futures as individual, well-adjusted people.
Twins come into life together, are raised in the home together, shouldn’t they get the option to choose about this for themselves and for us to choose for them prior to their being able to?
My twins don’t look anything alike so they are quite fraternal. They are rarely ever grouped together as ‘the twins’ just ‘Annie & Allie’ I guess because they are so very different in so many ways. But regardless of what schools think about this, regardless of what other moms think about this, I think one thing should hold true.. this should be the desicion of the parents and not the school board. What works for some doesn’t always work best for others, and we are still talking babies here. If I wanted them together for one more year what harm would that do seriously? I mean some people want them together for way longer, I just am thinking about one more year. I think the increase in maturity growth and basic understanding that goes along with the passage of time, would better help them in later years to cope with this separation vs. the innocent and naive thinking they possess at this age. The insecurities they face from being separated from not only their parents every day of the week, which they are not used to if they aren’t in school 5 days per week since 2 or 3 years of age, but also removed from their co-twin to boot. It may be easy for some but not for others.
My twins only do pre-k 2 days per week due to our current monetary situation. To take them away from both us and their co-twin at the tender age of 5, I don’t think that ALL twin sets are ready for that. I mean some twins may even wish for separation, but I doubt at 5. If they did, I’d try it out. They are saying the opposite to me though, and I think I agree with their wishes for this coming year. My husband also sees no problem with it. It’s kindergarten not college. And again, not all twins are created equal. They surely wouldn’t be seated next to one another in the classroom. I wouldn’t want that. Just to know one another is there will ease things in my book. A sense of normalcy surrounding them. I think, having had majored in psychology in school, that with THIS particular pair, it may in fact be emotionally damaging to separate too soon, which is nothing that I want for my babies. I know one day they will wish for separate activities and classrooms most likely, but at this time, I think some leinency should be law and a parent’s wishes granted for her own children.
Everybody likes to tell me, ”They are better off that way’.. separated’, but if their current teacher says that they aren’t a distraction to one another and Allie just likes to lean on Annie for support sometimes, and help when needed, as they tell me Annie is very smart and I know this. I think that being ripped away from Annie could be quite traumatic. I know she needs to cope on her own and learn to be independant, but I think hers is a positive influence right now. They both weren’t really raising their hands to participate in pre-k. Now it is noted that Annie started the trend and now Allie has followed her lead recently, and to me that is a really good benefit. Good behaviors are rubbing off. Would she learn on her own? yes! But having someone supportive that she is familiar with, as long as they aren’t being distractions to one another, I just don’t find fault in that right now. We will see how I feel once it comes to pass, HOPEFULLY comes to pass, but for now, I think it should be our choice.
And they aren’t ever pairing up and yapping to one another. I see them in gymnastics for an hour and 1/2 a week. They aren’t distractions to one another. They do listen and follow instructions, and again their pre-k teacher is not saying that either. I mean kids have friends in class that they are better bonded with than other people. Teachers can’t rip apart every friendship and separate everyone who is close, nor do I believe it would be beneficial to do so. If there are two children that are constant distractions to one another they are just separated inside of the classroom, not put into different classes mid-year. (Just an example. Its happened to my 9 year old. Via my request one time, and the teacher another time, the girls were spread apart is all.)
What do you think about it, and do I really have any choice in the matter should I wish to make a stink about it? I live in New York. Like I said I have only seen twins separated in the 3 or 4 cases that I have been around to witness in the school they will attend, so there may be a battle. And people assume they will be following that lead much like people assumed up until d-day that I would be having a c-section with twins, especially with one breech, but I proved them wrong and had a great outcome without regret. Couldn’t this work the same way? No regrets? I mean we are talking 5 not 10, even though even at 10 every set of twins is different and a parent should still be able to choose. I’m not asking to go that far. At this point, I am thinking just one year.
I was reading about this ‘twin debate’ on this message board at Circle Of Moms – Twins not in the same class. It is quite enlightening on both sides of the coin should the subject interest you or should you be in our situation yourself right now. What is your take, and what will you do or have you done, and how did it work out for you and your twins either way? I was told to check out this site: WWW.TWINSLAW.COM, Hopefully, there is some great information there on how to protect our rights as parents legally.