Trying To Have Twins On Purpose
Trying To Have Twins On Purpose
My unexpected duo is 4 years, 7 months. 2 weeks & 5 days old.
People, please don’t be angry at my own thoughts on this, nor for sharing the facts on this hot button topic, but a person has got to be crazy if they are doing all that they can to try and conceive multiples, point blank.
I do understand wanting two kids and being done with it, even if they are close in age. (Does that mean I say have twins on purpose? No.) I understand some women may have fertility woes that scare her into thinking one pregnancy may be it for her, or maybe it would be it for her. Some couples fear they won’t get that second child and may hope for twins. In cases such as the latter, I am far more empathetic as a woman who has battled infertility and wanted multiple children. But then you have the other people whom if you ask them WHY they want to have twins, they really have no good reasons.
”Twins are cute.” ”I always wanted twins.” ”I was a twin so it is cool. I want that to.” ”You can dress them up cute.” ”People love twins.” ”I’ll get it over with in one shot.” ”Only one pregnancy- 2 babies.. BOOM.” ”They look fun.” Yadda, yadda, the list goes on. I know, because I have personally heard most of them or have read them.
I don’t think people realize what goes into raising twins before they are even born! The majority of twins don’t survive from fertilization through delivery. Most of the loses are before a woman knows she is having twins, and then in the 1st trimester after she does, but loses in the second and third trimesters with twins are much more common than with singletons (my cousin lost an ID twin at 15 wks.), and the neonatal death rate postpartum, and during 1st year of life rate, is higher in multiples than it is in a singleton birth.
Life is riskier for twins before your pregnancy gets out of the starting gate, and there are not just risks for the babies. There are far more risks for a twin mother as well. Your pregnancy won’t be nearly as enjoyable with twins as it would be with one child. You likely won’t feel as well, you will definitely get larger and more uncomfortable, I assure you of that. And you will worry more, see your doctor more and have much more testing. Your OB will become a good friend to you during a multiple pregnancy. Many more things can go wrong along the way:
1) Two babies mean there is twice the risk for chromosomal abnormalities and other potential defects.
Whether the risk is higher in twins as a whole it is not completely known, but still.. you worry for one at a time, worrying for two at one time is stressful and tough. I had a high NT measurement on one baby and a bright spot on the heart for the other, and I did not do anything but worry during my pregnancy even after a good CVS test result. It’s just scarier and hard to imagine a happy outcome with so much potential for bad to happen. Also, it is known that twins have a 5 x’s higher rate for cerebral palsy. That always loomed in the back of my brain.
2) More than 1/2 of twins are born prematurely. (Before term)
You are far more likely to have a baby or babies in the NICU than if you only have a singleton birth.
3) The risk for a c-section is greatly increased with twins
I am proof positive that this doesn’t always happen, however, the national statistics do not lie. The increase for potential problems coupled with increasing malpractice rates have doctors fearful.
4) Pregnancy complications and issues are more common:
Pre-ecclampsia, Gestational Diabetes (I had that one and never had it with one baby before. Twins were the SOLE cause for me.) Placental abruption, twin to twin transfusion, miscarriage, still-birth, IUGR, higher risk for bed rest, higher risk of maternal death (low but still raised.) I’m sure there is much more to think about, but you catch my drift.
Your uterus gets much more stretched out, as does your belly, so postpartum recovery is slower and sometimes incomplete. Muscles are much more likely to separate (Diastasis Recti), and if not fixed properly can lead to hernias and more. Plus, twin moms are much more likely to suffer from postpartum depression after their babies are born. Don’t go in thinking one pregnancy, two babies.. YAHOO. It is not that easy.
I had two children that were almost Irish twins, but not quite. I’d take 2 separate pregnancies in a 1/2 a heartbeat, and it was overall less taxing than twins. They are certainly absolute blessings, but they are work – start to finish. A lot of work! I’m not going to glamorize it for you.
I’m going to pull your hair out 😉 !
More, important ‘twin stuff’ to think about – seriously!
And for those who think ‘OMG twins are awesome because they have a built in best friend for life’ think again. If that does happen, it may take many years to happen for many sets of twinkies. My twins are a prime example of this. They adore their older sibling well beyond each other, which makes me sad, but it is not such a love/love relationship through and through. Not close to one that you might imagine. (As once upon a time during twin shock I tried to imagine that myself to help me through.) It was a disheartening reality. Maybe eventually, but it sure isn’t written in stone and isn’t immediate. Don’t go in hoping on that.
One of many injuries incurred from twins fighting.
(Mom is more of a referee than a mom for a long time. She can’t prevent everything. Twins are SO fast at the attack.)
Some women take this desire for twins to a whole new level by seeking out fertility drugs in order to try and conceive twins in a less natural and more dangerous way. If she doesn’t have any fertility woes that make her need such drugs, it really is a potentially dangerous situation.
I may have gotten twins (2 times in actuality, as Mikayla started out as a twin, but it was one of the many whom vanish away in the 1st trimester), I could have ended up with much more than that. And I only took 1/2 of the given dose out of fear of multiples.
You could get too good of a response, and with each egg you have a chance for another baby. What do I mean? You might go in wanting twins and come out with quadruplets. Some cycles I had up to 6 mature eggs. Talk about risky business! I could have been the octomom. And you can hyper-stimulate the ovaries and become very ill, possibly die, especially when toying around with these drugs without care and proper monitoring throughout your cycle. PLEASE, I have heard of this, and it could not be more dangerous.
If you are one of these people still desperate for twins after reading this, never purchase these drugs online! The possible effects and unknowns could be devastating to you, your body and the future child or children you may create. (It is also illegal, but that doesn’t stop everybody.) See a real specialist, though I wouldn’t condone this being used without it being needed, at least go that route, and follow the doctor’s advice only!
OK, let’s talk about if you do get your wish.. two buns in the oven. If you are one of the 1 in 8 people who conceive twins and the 1 in 80 who birth them, then you are one of the lucky ones. So say you get the absolute best result- two healthy babies. Do you think that raising twins is going to be a walk in the park because they are double the cuteness? HECK NO! It’s an extremely taxing job taking care of newborn twins, then infant, then toddler twins. At 4 and 1/2 now I am sooooo mentally exhausted on a daily basis, despite my insane love for them. It is VERY tough work. One challenge after another… one expense after another (literally.)
Not only is it never EVER two for the price of one as some joke, but it is paying for everything twice over at once. No breaks! That means two in diapers ($$) and if you are not breastfeeding, two on formula for the first year ($$). Those two things alone I could not have imagined before we did go through it. How much we were spending, how many bottles we were making, how many diapers we were changing, how much money we were shelling out on a regular basis. It isn’t easy. My husband made really great money to. Then he lost his job. (You cannot predict things. Don’t ever get smug and try to.) Now my twins are in dance and gymnastics and nursery school. These things are EXTREMELY expensive for two. It never ends, and it is simultaneous.
And it is certainly more expensive to get a sitter with twins, and it’s harder to get away with your partner with twins. One on one time is vital for couples to have, and this time does tend to be less with twins than with a singleton, but not less important. It just tends to happen less, which means relationships get strained, and even great marriages can be broken due to the stressors of raising multiples. Yes, even one child brings immense changes into a relationship, but twins only compounds this. The divorce rate is higher – that is just a fact.
Getting around with multiples is harder, your dream car might just become a thing of the past, you’ll be far more tired with less sleep than with one baby, your arms, back everything will ache far more with a duo, and ‘me time’ will become ‘WE time’. It is much harder to get time for yourself when newborns are compounded. Just because they are twins it does not mean they will always nap at the same time and stay on exactly the same schedule. People who want twins badly are in fairytale land. The reality is much harder to swallow. I guess nobody sees that fully until they walk in a twin mom’s shoes.
(Which usually turn into Uggs during a twin pregnancy and beyond 😆 .)
Many women I have spoken to, admitted that they changed their tune of wanting twins badly after having their 1st child. They didn’t realize how hard even one baby is to take care of and raise at a time. Most women I have met who say they want them do not have any kids yet. The ones that do have a child or children and still do, I may not be able to talk you out of it, but just know the above facts are all true, and that having two close in age isn’t comparable to twins. We won’t go there today, as I have already written about this, but it is a very common misconception.
Twins are riskier from the very beginning for both you and them, and they are not easy to raise. There are no pink, fluffy unicorns and rainbows. That is just what you see on commercials in baby ads. It isn’t reality.
So, did I help change your mind? If not, just promise me to not toy around with fertility medications that you do not need unless you honestly do need them, and always be monitored on Clomid or other fertility meds. They are nothing to take lightly. I almost lost a good friend to hyper-stimulation of the ovaries, even under a doctor’s care. I would say leave it up to God, but for those intent on trying you can read about the things that make you more likely to have twins, some you can control some you cannot, but leave it at that.
Twins are amazing blessings that I never knew that I wanted but got, but do I ever think about how much easier it is just one at a time? Almost daily. It’s not an easy venture. Ask any mom who has been there. They wouldn’t change it because they know their children and love them of course, but they wouldn’t go and pray hard for twins and try desperately for them. Or least I have never met one who would say/do that.
If you are trying for any children right now, happy humping!!
PS- I might be writing to myself today, because some women are too stubborn to want to listen to the other side of things. The side not condoning their wishes. You know, beyond the thoughts of pink, fluffy unicorns, etc. But I do hope this post will touch and effect someone, even if only 1 woman.