Raising Twins: Do Multiples Need Preschool More Than Singletons? (Socialization Needs & Behavioral Issues Mentioned.)

 

 Raising Twins: Do Multiples Need Preschool More Than Singletons?

(Socialization Needs & Behavioral Issues Mentioned.)

6-1-2012

Holding on to 26 months for one last day.

 

 

  Twin love can sometimes turn into twin torment. 

I couldn’t love my.. dare I say it because everybody else does? ‘Double trouble’…’double love’ more. And you will see me out and about with the twins nearly every single day without fail, as I am not a lover of staying indoors.

 

I have gotten them out into the world since their 5th day of life when the temperature hit 50 and the doctor gave us the go ahead. Wouldn’t you think being around people all the time would make my girls perfectly socialized? Not completely, no. As infants all was well, but I notice some real social changes in the toddler stage.

 

Do these changes warrant a definite preschool experience for a duo? I can’t imagine the cost, but then again I can’t imagine them simply snapping out of this. My twins, like most, are so used to fending for themselves while in a duo, fighting for something they want, and just plain dealing with their other half who bullies them at times. Even protecting themselves when need be. So it’s more of a challenge for them one on one to interact properly with other small children.

 

It’s making me believe that while with a singleton preschool can be a luxury that isn’t a complete necessity, perhaps for multiples, at least some of them, just for the socialization skills, it just might be one. I mean some twins can’t bare to be apart, but mine can’t be the only pair that are perfectly happy in their own element, being without one another.

 

 

 Let me give you an example of the dilema.

 

Don’t mess with me! 

 Once a week I take one of the twins out alone to get their own taste of singleton life and get all of my complete attention. It’s their day. I notice though, that they both deal with children in different ways. But neither is the way I want them to deal with children. Most of the other kids play in harmony. Even if they are separately on a playdate with a child they know, I clearly see different behaviors present.

 

 

Annie’s behavior

While sweet faced and good-hearted she might be, she has a thing in public about lashing out at other kids recently. You would think that she wasn’t out in the crowd every single day, but she is. I always fear when she gets too close to another child, even one she knows. What might happen? I find myself hovering over her.

 

Why? Because she can strike at any moment, and worse than she may do to her own twin here at home. She slapped a little boy square in the face a couple of weeks ago without reason. She pinched the feet of a small child in a stroller, and attempted to do it repeatedly.

 

And she scratched her playmate’s face as if it were her sister and has pulled her hair on several occasions. Mind you, these attacks come out of nowhere. There is no warning, and there is no reason to warrant it. Some kids just want to be her friend, get too close and then boom. (Invasion of personal space perhaps? I don’t know.)

 

Pushing is the biggest thing lately, but it hasn’t hurt anyone. The other stuff can. WHY does she do this? It upsets me a great deal. Kids just want to be her friend, but she’s so wary for whatever reason. Being in her face is definitely when she will act out the most.

 

She can be perfectly fine and enjoying her day and then she’ll strike without reason. She pushes far bigger children than herself, and quite frankly, she just worries me. I’m less worried when she’s in her pack…aka with her twin. She seems to be better that way. Let me add that she’s the more lovey twin at home and less of the bully now, ironically. She fights to get Allie to warm up to her, but Allie often resists.

 

 

Allie’s behavior

This twin makes me sad to watch while out most times. She’s perfectly harmless to other children, even if she’s a threat to her own sister. I know she can get close and not hurt anybody, so it’s a more enjoyable time out. BUT I see something, and it’s quite clear to me. She could have a great time, but you can tell her guard is up. Way up.

 

She thinks everyone is out to get her. If her little playmate tries to hug her she gets into her ready for battle stance because being grabbed from in front or behind, though in a loving gesture, is highly suspicious to her. She becomes defensive. Not just to her body but to her possessions.

 

I tell her ”Annie isn’t here, you don’t have to worry, nobody is going to try and take your toy. She just wants to play with you.” You can tell she is just used to competing with, defending herself against, and relating with her twin. So much so, she doesn’t understand what it’s like to simply deal with children who aren’t ‘out to get her or her stuff’ basically. It makes me sad. I’m definitely working on it as best I can.

 

Two different children, two different behaviors..both stem from them being multiples, I can clearly tell. Most toddlers I see are not behaving in such a way. You have your occasional singleton bully, but I can tell even Annie, she wants to be the victor. She wants to strike before someone else gets to her first, despite their good intentions. Her twin doesn’t usually have these same thoughts in mind, and lashes out in a more almost frightened way. Like, ‘Please step off.’

 

 

So, what can a mother do?

I’d say socialize them more but that would be completely impossible. I’ve talked with several friends and acquaintances, some of which have twins themselves, and they nod when they witness the behavior or I tell them about it. All agree that some time apart with other kids outside the home. Perhaps, without mom there as the ref. in the structure of a school-like environment is best for them when they can go to preschool.

 

What are your thoughts? Do you or did you put your multiples into preschool? I’m sure not every set of multiples have issues, but many twin moms who witness things with my girls can relate with these problems..they tell me. If you did put your multiples into preschool (in separate classrooms I reckon is best in such a case.) Were there positive changes in their interaction with other children? Maybe even with their co-twin as well?

 

I know we have to get them fully potty trained first, but is this something that needs to be done, or will it possibly be outgrown? That is my question of the day to other multiple moms who have been there and done that already.