One Of My Babies’ Are Gone:( Or So I Was Told! RANT! 8wks. 5 days!

 

               8 wks 5 days– CRAZY!!!

 

 

       8 wks, 5 days pregnant , due date confirmed,  3/24/2010.   WELP Some sad news to report most likely here. One of the twins has apparently vanished, and is gone, as far as my  u/s has showed, at my 1st official ob appointment, yesterday, but there are just so many twists and turns in the story, I simply CANNOT be sure of what on earth is truly going on inside of me. I NEED to get that final look and verification, that indeed one of our babies, has passed away, and somehow make peace with it, though very difficult, it’s been a whirlwind of emotions since it all went down. 

 

 

       Only a week and a day prior I saw 2 beautiful heart beats, and the next ultrasound, one was just gone, and I mean,  everything, without a trace, gestational sac and all?…I do not buy that, I truly believe something WAS there and was covered up by my Dr. for some reason, maybe for the thought that it was for my own benefit, but certainly in my mind, it was not, if that is what transpired, I would want to see for myself, not be shielded from the truth. OR since he didn’t know he was looking for twins, I was egging him on, like you’ll see, thinkin he’d just find out for himself, and have a big surprise. I spent my last pregnancy with this doctor, and have been going to him a couple years prior to that, so we go back, and kid around with each other, he’s very cool like that, so I thought I’d let him be shocked for himself, but then, when he started talking about how my baby, not babies’ looked strong, and healthy, and then pulled out the probe, handing me a photo, of only 1 little bean, my plan got crushed and the shock just had me so tounge tied.

 

 

       I believed him, I mean how can you not, he is the Dr., and then I told him, at that point,  it was twins a week ago, and he seemed very surprised by that statement.  He didn’t go back in to see, he was quite certain, only one was now there.  He said it must have been another vanished twin, but with mikayla  I carried the small sac for nearly 14 weeks, and there was never a baby seen, nor a heartbeat!! this time there was a strong heartbeat, two babies, measuring both right on target, the same size as the other, nothing ‘off’, and this was much larger sac then 4+ years ago, and everything was GONE so quickly? *Head spinning*, it just does not add up, in my opinion.The hubby doesn’t know what to think eigther.

 

 

 
       I just cannot sit like this. I mean as much as I prayed for only one baby, and will admit to a bit of singleton envy at times, just because of my fears, I was given two, and saw two, and the heartbeats and well, that just makes this all too hard to swallow, regardless of what I went into actually desiring, if you know what I mean. I’m just really confused right now.  See a different Dr. had done my last two ultrasounds, with the twins in them, so he didn’t even have that report, maybe I could call them up and see what they make of this sudden ‘disappearance’, and see if this happens. I can’t just wait for my NT scan, at 12 weeks, almost 4 weeks away, to get another look, and not have this closure, and peace of mind, for that long, is just impossible to me. If it is only 1, then I can handle that, mourn the loss, and move forward, but I just can’t take sit here and wonder, because it all disappearing in a week’s time, it just doesn’t make sense to me. My gut says I need another scan, and soon, not weeks away, like it’s scheduled for.    I gotto know. 

 

 

       Maybe My Dr. saw a passed away baby inside of the second sac, as I could have sworn I saw a piece of a second sac on the screen, upper left hand corner, so did hubby ‘think’ he saw part od a sac as well, but maybe the Dr. saw something grim, and didn’t want to show us, especially with Mikayla there, but that doesn’t make it right, I’d rather not be lied to. Let’s see what happens, wish me luck.