More Dumb Things People Say To A Mother Of Twins (Very Funny)

 

 More Dumb Things People Say To A Mother Of Twins (Very Funny)

‘The toddler years’

1-31-2013

 

 

 It’s been a long time because quite frankly, our ‘celebrity status’ if you will has worn off quite a bit since the age of 2. Some of the attention you swore you’d never miss, you kind of do. Now I get a lot of , ”How far apart in age are they?” (Um..4 minutes). That is IF they conclude they are sisters at all.

 

”Yeah, they are not sisters. They are just good friends.” I just love to borrow my BFF’s child, dress her up just like one of my own, buy matching headbands and shoes, and a double stroller..everything. Trot her around town with me to add more to my plate. People are nuts if they think that.

 

Nothing truly ‘insane’ has been said to me in some time. (I can make it funny for you though, because the comments made open up room for comebacks. Even if I am only sharing them here.)

 

Obviously, do twins run in your family is still alive and well in every conversation. DUH, obviously if they didn’t run in my family before, they do now. In two respects. Actually, I was out yesterday and it was the first time in ages that the twins got me into a LONG conversation I couldn’t get out of. We are talking close to an hour.

 

The difference now is that the twins aren’t sitting quietly in car seats sleeping, or in their stroller content with some small toy on their laps as I chit chat, oh no. These twins were running all over the room knocking things down, tossing stuff about. I feel more like a Hoover lately than a mother. I guess this lady didn’t get the memo that my toddler twins were bored in this area of the museum, and I had better take them elsewhere for entertainment, or else the walls may be her tomb .

 

 

She was just quizzing me to absolute death. Right down to how they tell fraternals apart from identicals on ultrasound, etc. etc. and etc. I should have directed her to this freakin’ site and walked away honestly. ”Here’s my card .” Obviously, mothers of twins are geniuses. (OK, maybe we are .) Then it got sort of odd.  

 

”What do you think the chances are for my daughter to have twins next?” I don’t know. Let me look into my crystal ball. I knew I was special when God gave me twins. I didn’t realize I was psychic to!

 

”My grandson is 10 months old and still gets up in the night, what can my daughter do?” Just be thankful it isn’t up and screaming x’s two, maybe? My twins are 34 months and get up in the night still, can you help me out with that? Seriously, what am I the flippin’ baby whisperer?

 

”Did you let them cry it out”, she asks. Obviously not much if they are still getting up most nights. ”Do I believe in it”, she asks. Well I didn’t much have the heart for it, but in looking back if they’d be angelic sleepers like many say, even people I know personally, does end up happening, then hell yeah I believe in it. I guess it’s better than being a walking zombie some days, though the process is far easier said than done.

 

”They are obviously fraternal.” Scratch one thing off of my need-to-know list. Thankfully, this woman saved me some money on a DNA test. After nearly 3 years I have my answer. They are NOT identical after all. I wonder what gave it away?

 

 

”I’m sure your other kids are a big help with the twins.” If by big help you mean ‘makes things a lot harder’ than yes you are correct.

 

”I wanted to have twins, but then I had one baby and I couldn’t imagine it.” See this comment I appreciate. I’m so sick of people, especially non-mothers yet, saying how badly they want to have twins. Like it’s a perfect, ready-made family, and all gum drops and candy canes. Blah, blah, blah. I appreciate the honesty of a person having a child and then realizing, ”Hey, this is hard work. Two would be crazy.”

 

”How did your husband handle the pregnancy?” Well, he didn’t get nearly as bloated as I did. His mood swings are still there sometimes, and he hasn’t lost all of the baby weight, but he fared pretty well .

 

 Oh, and his boobs didn’t shrink but mine did. Go figure .

 

 ”Did you do anything special to have twins?” Are you wishing to help someone avoid twins, or to try for twins? Or was this just a round about way of asking me if I used fertility assistance instead of bluntly coming out and asking that point blank? (Likely the latter.)

 

Yeah, my husband was so super horny that steamy July evening that he decided one shot just wasn’t enough. He flipped me and gave me a double dose and poof…TWINS! Thank God he didn’t go for round 3. (Just kidding folks. Multiples are not conceived that way FYI, or I could have quads .) And yes we used fertility assistance, but the whole world need not know that everywhere we go.

 

”What did you say when they said it was twins?” Pour me a drink STAT! (Joking, of course). Honestly, not a damn, freakin’ thing that I can recall. We were both pretty speechless.

 

”How funny. One is a blond and one has brown hair. Is your husband blond?” No, my husband’s bald. HA HA. ”Are there blonds in your family?” ”Does blond in a bottle count? If so, then yes.”

 

 

Then when we were done with that interview we ran into a mother of 11 year old twin girls. They were identical. Noticing my girls were the same height she was able to spot they were twins without asking.. (thank God.) It’s funny because if my 7 year old replaced Annaliese and was 2 again, people would think they were identical for sure. It’s almost creepy. Where Annie came from, we still do not know !

 

Seeing these older twins was kind of depressing because they weren’t dressed alike, even being identical you couldn’t tell tell. It made me think ahead. STAY LITTLE GIRLS!! Anyway, the lady was in awe over my twin’s ‘fraternal-ness.’ (Hey, a new word!) She said how lucky I am that they are fraternal, not identical. (I’m thinking, ‘don’t you want to say that away from your IDENTICAL twin daughters, ma’am?’)

 

I always wished they were identical. I think since identicals share 100% DNA and I have talked to many parents of both, they just seem to be much closer, even though a bond with the fraternal pairs can not be denied. It just seems like an added bonus to me. I wondered why I was better off with fraternals? She said, ”They are so close. Too close.” Heck if that means playing nicely, sharing secrets, and not pulling hair out by the roots, what the hell is the problem? I never heard of too close, but I’d surely take it.

 

Hair was yanked only seconds later.

 

I guess this woman just meant that fraternals have their own look, their own identity, right from the start. They are totally different, so their packaging wouldn’t make much matter in our case. I’d know who each one is. ”Does it get easier?” I asked with hesitation in my voice. A perfect reply without somebody shouting out, ”HELL NO!” ”In some ways yes. Things change and it just gets different.” OK, I’ll accept that answer.

 

 ”They are so cute in their own unique, little ways.” ”Thank you.” If God didn’t make babies and little kids so darned cute, there would be a lot less children turned adults roaming around the planet. Condom sales would go through the roof! We procreate knowing the job is a very difficult and often thankless one, but that those big eyes and sweet smiles will help get us through our exhausted, frustrated, weary, and sometimes panic stricken days, months, and years. Oh how I love my twinkies!

 

 

Then on our way we went.

 

Tell me, what do people say to you? If you want to read past installments of stupid things people say to a mother of twins click on the pink (Here’s more). You‘ll get to read all of the fun comments and answers I have heard and given along the way.

 

Chow for now!