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Infertility: The Journey to Motherhood. Mine is Finally Over, But Let’s See You Through Yours + Resources!
Infertility: The Journey to Motherhood. Mine is Finally Over, But Let’s See You Through Yours + Resources!
5-27-2011
I wrote back in August of last year about my own personal story. My long time battle with infertility, and how the twins finally came to be.
Guess I got two times the prayers then I needed. HA HA…Just kidding. Wouldn’t trade it for anything now. I will admit it was scary at the time though.
The reason I bring this subject up again, is because yesterday I am walking around in 3 different places where all I used to see were pregnant women. I mean they were everywhere, and I was not one of them.
Aside from just the store, museum, and school function I was at, I used to see them at bus stops, meat markets. Heck, If I was horseback riding I probably saw a preggo or two on a horse in a field somewhere. It was almost like it was all I could think about, so I saw it. Every single day..everywhere I’d go!
So now that my journey has ended after 8 long years total of trying to conceive, and 3 beautiful children as a result, ‘Where have all these pregnant people gone to?’ Now ironically, I see wall to wall twins. I say this to my husband all of the time, as I used to torture him with the, ‘Everybody is pregnant but ME!’
It makes me think that maybe when you are in a situation, all you can see is what you are either obsessed with, because I’ll completely admit I was obsessed with getting pregnant, and/or what you want badly. Which would make sense that while we aren’t pregnant we see so many pregnant women, thus the whole world appears pregnant BUT us. Now I swear I don’t see it.
On the occasion I do see a pregnant woman now, which is much more rare then when we were trying to conceive, I for the first time in SOOO long, don’t feel any jealousy at all. When the twins were young, I was a little bit jealous still wishing I could go back to the pregnancy and actually enjoy it more, instead of worrying so much.
I envied that they were still pregnant, and I wasn’t, though I loved having them with me so much, however, I no longer had the hurt, pain, sadness, intense jealousy, even sometimes the anger in my heart anymore. It finally vanished. After my 5 year old I still had the ‘baby bug’, and all the emotions still. Guess that means I’m complete now?? My husband says that I am. 
I think so.
This brings me to the question, why does God seemingly torture so many women (and men to), for? I was watching part of the Casey Anthony trial last night, and was heavily into the the story a few years back when it was new, and it just broke me to pieces! I had to follow it at the time. I was ‘trying’ back then of course, which angered me so much. Now, I just want to see this mother fry, honestly.
It can’t help but get me to thinking..’Why would God give people like her a baby?’ I think even if you were done having children you to would have taken in Caylee Marie on a dime, because I know I would have. This beautiful child was born to this ‘thing’, just to have her own monster mom snuff the precious life out of her? I believe in God and I’m Christian, but this is one thing I’ll never understand.
Then some women who so desire to have babies, as I once was one of them, aren’t so easily able to have them, when they would make the most excellent mothers in the world. It honestly sickens me. I just don’t understand it, and I guess I never will. I guess it is an unanswerable question, that ‘WHY?’
Though my journey to motherhood is over, and infertility struggle behind me now, I do NOT forget. I remember all of the tears, the negative pregnancy tests, the anger, resentment, the monthly waiting, and agony. If you are going through this pain now be it for months or years, God bless you friends.
I am thinking of you and wishing you full arms, and an overflowing heart, much sooner then later. Any woman who wants to be a parent so badly deserves such a blessing.
1 in 6 of us suffer from this ‘taboo’ topic, and if you think about it, that is an awful lot of people walking around, isn’t it? They might not be wearing a shirt saying, ‘Infertility sufferer’, but believe me, I know now more then ever that they are out there, since the twins often bring up discussions about infertility, treatments, and I meet a lot of women who finally have been blessed, or are still waiting.
I love being able to encourage other people now, and not need the encouragement myself any longer. You’ll get there to! To be able to bring hope to others, and help them…THAT is my life’s passion. That is why I am on this planet, I truly believe.
Do not give up. NEVER give up, if you are trying and not succeeding yet in conceiving. God will bless you, and when he does you will be a better, stronger, more wonderful parent for all you have been through. I’ll never forget my journey, but I’m so thrilled, just like you to will be, that it has finally come to a happy ending.
Feel free to watch the video below, where I talk about infertility, the road traveled, and primary infertility, secondary infertility, pregnancy loss, and more.
Thank you so much for coming by! If you are in need of it…
****Baby dust to you****
I promise that your day will come. 
P.S.- Feeling alone in the battle against infertility? Well think again. You are SO not alone. Here are some resources I dug up for you. Find thousands of others like yourself, and help keep your sanity by clicking on the links below. It’s the best gift I can offer you right now. You’ll soon see why! Good luck!
(Clickable links)
iVilliage infertility support board
Health Board- Infertility Forum
There are many more, but these are some great ones to help get you started. You won’t feel alone anymore!
