Help a Girl Out, With Your ‘Twin Shock’ OR ‘Not’, 1st, Twin Pregnancy Reactions! *Share*

 

Twin Shock, Or Not?  Twin Woe, Or No?

What Was/Were Your First Reactions, When You Learned, You Were Carrying Twins!!

 

(No worries the kids will never see what you say :-D   All reactions are normal! )

 

9-12-2010

Twinkies 6 months, 1 week, 2 days old!

 

 

 

 

 Being a mom to multiples has been an amazing, fun, and wonderful experience, that I wouldn’t (NOW)  trade for anything in the world, but my thoughts weren’t always so optimistic, when the news was heard and quite some time after, and I’m always candid about that. 

 

I feel like it’s important, for other moms, who find themselves pregnant with more then 1 baby, to find a support system, where their feelings of fear, anxiety, and even some sadness, are embraced, verified, and understood by others, even shared by some, plus I think some others are simply intrigued by multiples, and may be curious to how we reacted.  So how, did you react? 

        

 

You can add your comment below, and I will add excerpts from there into my permanent page, (and I will not display even your pen name or what have you, if you desire me not to), or if you want you could also email me at contact@twinpossible.com, if you wish.

 

You need NOT, be as detailed as my little ditty below.  Just 1,2, or 3, sentences is just fine!!

 

 

Ok…my reaction.  (Of course, I go into great details & beyond, don’t mind me).

 

No one ever has, or ever will be in greater twin shock then I was the day I found out I was having twins, I believe.  If so, I’d like to meet the lady, indeed.  Knowing it was to be our very last, and my reasons for wanting my smallest daughter to have ‘A’ final, close in age sibling, hopefully a girl, to play with, and be friends with, enticed me to take every precaution to have just one baby,  and one baby only, and quite seriously,  I was told I had no reason to think about it, cause it wasn’t happening, and so I didn’t worry in all honesty. 

 

There was no chance right?  Which made the shock that much greater.  Unless an egg split into a pair of identical twins, which happens, but is rare, and would be something that was just meant to happen, and would have happened no matter how many eggs you had,  if you went into any fertility treatment.  If you conceived naturally, then you simply assume you are dealing with ovulating one egg per month, but that doesn’t always turn out to be the case, does it, naturally conceived, fraternal twin mamas? 

 

I took only half of my prescribed dose of meds to be careful, behind the Dr’s back, because I only wanted 1 great egg, which I supposedly only had 1, if-y egg, and one totally un-viable one…(NEVER BELIEVE THEM LADIES!! ha ha ha).  I had asked all the questions, they told me no worries about multiples, at all, so basically, my mind was clear.  The doctor I had liked seeing multiple eggs, even 3 or more, was GREAT to him, but for me…ummm well, not this time!

 

It all began when I got my 1st visual view, and it was early to. I was like 5 weeks and a couple day along.  Most women don’t find out until later than that,  especially if they were naturally conceived.  You’d think that extra time to prepare myself (Ourselves), would have meant something, but it didn’t help at all really. 

 

The Dr. placed the ultrasound probe on my abdomen.  We looked eagerly up at the screen, to see if we had a healthy sac brewing, since it was still early, we knew it wouldn’t be anything more then that for that week anyway.  Time stopped, I sware it.  It felt like an eternity I stared at that screen, with two sacs staring back at me, thinking ‘No that just isn’t possible…ok maybe I’m wrong’  Then thinking, ‘Oh please, after so many pregnancies including a vanished twin, that also showed 2 sacs in me, I think I knew what I was staring at, and what was staring back at me’.

 

I didn’t cry.  I think I was staring in disbelief so much, my eyes would have been too dried out to cry anyhow, but I didn’t have that much ‘Sense’ to my feelings.  They were all over the place, it just didn’t seem real.  The Dr. didn’t even say it was twins, until the end of the scan, and me and my husband remained speechless throughout.  This was a familiar sight, we didn’t need him to say it.

 

At any rate, when he pulled the probe off, after whispering back and forth to a technician or nurse, whomever she was in the room, in a drab, not even nice tone, he simply said ‘Looks like twins for now, but anything can happen.  Come back in a week’, and walked out of the room, leaving us like ‘HUH?’.   I went over to the nurse who draws the blood for another BETA blood test, and she was a nice lady, I had remembered from my daughter.  I remember telling her, and she was in shock herself.  Now when an almost stranger is in shock along with you, it doesn’t really help.  Would have been nice if she were jumping up and down for me like, ‘What a miracle’, despite my fears, it would have been a lovely gesture.  NO ONE did that my whole pregnancy, except for a few little old ladies I met. 

 

Most people were like ‘Good luck with that’, or just stared with bug eyes, when I said the news, like I had a disease, instead of an extra baby.  Why are people like that?  It isn’t them, can’t they fake it, for someone elses’ sake?  But i must say, all of that  stuff from other people affected my own reactions. It was harder to get myself out of the negative side of things, with people being that way.  ‘Hope you have a lot of family and a lot of help, you will need it’….’Umm…thanks, but not really’.

 

I never cried, but I googled my brains out, I sat in silence a lot, wondering how I was going to even make it through a pregnancy, carrying two babies. I prayed a lot, and felt like the pregnancy was pretty much doomed.  Like it was never going to turn out well, with 2 healthy live, babies.  It just wasn’t going to happen to me.  When I got further along, and things were going well with the pregnancy, it became more of fear about delivery and the aftermath.  How will we handle two babies, how will our other kids handle two babies?   What have we done?

 

I did mourn the loss of a singleton pregnancy for some time.  It just seemed more ‘Normal’, ‘Right for us’, more ‘Doable’, then this.  Why did God think I was strong enough to take on this huge job. I didn’t feel like I was strong enough for it, not at this point in time.  Hubby’s job so up in the air, pay cuts, job cuts going on where he works, and still continuing, not a big support system around,  I became jealous of everyone who had all these brothers and sisters around them, wonderful families helping them out left and right.  Everywhere I would go, I’d think to myself, they’d be better equipped to have been given twins.  

 

 It just never felt like a normal pregnancy, and with so many twins that ‘Vanish’ in the beginning, I had thought, since that had already happened once to me, that God knew then we could only handle one at a time, that again that likely would happen, so when it didn’t I was surprised to.  I had stayed pretty detached, sort of anticipating, that early on, only one would be at the next ultrasound, and I truly  thought, and I really mean, I truly did think this, that  if God wanted me to be a twin mom, he would have done it back then, when I had a second sac with Mikayla.  Heck I was younger, and we would have been finished, because our 1st baby together, would have their close in age sibling, BOOM-DONE.  Why now?  This couldn’t be what was meant to be right?

 

If you read my blog, in one of my 1st entries, you will see that I was told one of my babies did die, and ‘vanish’, but I had a feeling the  Doctor was wrong, and well, you can read the story, it was quite a doozy, but since I own this website, you can all figure out, eventually, how the story turned out. 

 

I remember feeling very alone, and more fearful, then I was at 18 just turning 19, when I found out I was pregnant with my 1st.  That should have been much scarier. (And trust me, that was extremely frightening at the time). I wasn’t married, I was in school, so I was severely disappointing my parents, I wasn’t working, had zero support, but yet I felt even more lost and lonely this time around.  I found someone to talk to then, someone to reach out to, and this time, I only had myself, for awhile. 

 

My husband didn’t know how to handle it himself, hence he didn’t talk, and THAT hurt…A LOT, because I needed someone to talk to, I needed him to talk to, so that was very very hard.  His friend who has triplets was then scaring the willies out of him to boot, which didn’t help much.  I no longer blame him for his actions.  It was how he dealt with his feelings and emotions at the time.  He’s a terrific father to our children, loves them to death, and cried a river when they were born.  Just like me, in one instant, every fear and worry, simply melted away.  I forgive him for being human (And for being a man!!!).

 

Regardless of anything and everything, when I look back NOW, I wish so much, that  I had worried a lot less, enjoyed a lot more, and forgave myself,  for my emotions at the time.  My feelings and anxieties were normal, even warranted. Being a mom to 1 newborn at a time, is a big job, what Isn’t scary about having that compounded?  I let go of the guilt, now I revel in the joys, only wish I had sooner, so I hope others reading this, still can.

 

So, in closing, no matter how afraid, which at times it was CRAZY amounts of fears.  I would wake up and it would start  ‘How are we going to do this’, and ‘How will I get lucky enough to have two healthy babies.’  I just knew if I lost another child, I’d be gone.  I’d either drop dead, or go mental, it just wasn’t happening, therefore, it was a really scary 8+ months for me. No matter, how I had desired a single pregnancy, in those early weeks, maybe even for months, hard to recall, and how terrified, and alone, like I was the only person in the world going through this. 

 

 Where were all the twin moms then?  I would have loved to see them for their support.  I only ran across 2 the entire time, and I grilled them believe me!  Thus, when a woman comes up to me pregnant asking me how it is, I know exactly how they are thinking, the fears that they have, and anxiety, and I will sit and talk to them all they want, until they feel better and want to leave, because this is my calling now.  No matter what….in everything there is a purpose and a reason!

 

 I wish so very desperately, that I had had someone like that when I was pregnant, so It’s almost my mission now.  The two moms I encountered, sort of gave me a bit of the brush off.   Talked a tad, then raced away  (I get it, you get talked to a lot by strangers when you have twins, and you have errands, and other things to do..I understand). 

 

I was just looking for people to tell me it was all going to be ok, and so, those moms, well, it just didn’t do too much to calm me.  It’s so ironic, because now, I can’t go anywhere without seeing other twin moms.  We are EVERYWHERE!!  How weird is that?  Did anyone else notice that?  When i was pregnant I was such a minority. No one else was pregnant with a duo, but they sure are strolling them around now, I tell you this.

 

And so as much as I had all of those emotions raging on, and then some, after that fact, after giving birth successfully, all the fears laid to rest there, and having two babies put in my arms, when that smoke cleared…..I was in heaven. I was in LOVE.  In an instant, there wasn’t one of those faces, I would ever, or could ever wish away, one of those bundles, I didn’t love enough to give my life for.  It’s just an incredible thing, what reality, can do to you. 

 

Before twins are born, you can only ‘Imagine’, how it will be, you can’t really grasp it, fathom the love, or anything much really, but once they are here?  In a word….MAGICAL!!  I’d never want to go back, and have had only 1 baby.  There would be something huge missing in my life, and I never ever would have known it, until God gave me twins!

 

Thanks for listening, and like I said, you don’t need to submit anything long, just a short blurb, about you, even your partner’s reactions. Did he faint?     Funny how they can feel such massive shock, and we are carrying them, and doing 90% of it.  (I’ll give them the 10% for their income earning, & sperm  hehe).  But seriously, all joking aside, just write me, if you wish, just a little on how you felt, and if you want to add how your hubby felt, by all means you can add it, but just a short little thing, and I thank you in advance for that, and after I have compiled some stories, I will then be adding them to the ‘Fun Stuff’ section of my website, so you can keep an eye out of that, but I’m sure I’ll announce it.

 

Anyway…..have a great day moms & dads!!!  

 

 

Super proud, and happy, new, twin, mom