My twin-cuties are 5 years, 3 months, 3 weeks & 1 day old.
Yes, twins once seemed like the plague to me.
It’s funny… I am sitting back today going through some videos and photos of the past INSANELY busy couple of weeks I’ve had. (No worries my posts will come more frequently once things settle down soon.) And I remember back to all of my fears of twins. How I was always afraid while going through the fertility process of the stories I read about women having multiples because of the treatments. I did not want that to be me more than anything. One at a time is all I wanted and was all I could handle. I never thought that could ever or would ever be me. Now I can’t begin to fathom it NOT being me. What a ride I would have missed out on.
Finally elated, but still a little scared of what was to come.
Totally in love with being a twin mom. Fears all long ago went BYE-BYE!
What I also look back on and laugh about sometimes is that the cycle that I ended up with twins was the least likely cycle of them all. I had only one mature, ‘not-so-great’ egg that was shrinking down and not looking promising AT ALL at the time of IUI. My other egg was too immature on Clomid, not a viable egg, and it was shrinking down also. It couldn’t possibly be fertilized I was told. My chances were very poor for one baby that month. I asked the doctor before he left the room, which I had never done on other cycles before, (also odd). ”What are the chances for multiples?” ”ZERO CHANCE”, he replied with confidence. I felt comforted by that at the time, as it wasn’t like we didn’t have other kids, and this was to be our last, but the doctor’s words… HA! Just tell that to Annie & Allie – clearly fraternal twins.
I find people like ‘the old’ me all of the time with one infant, toddler or child who say, ”I can’t imagine if there were two of her” (or him.) ”I could never do it.” ”I don’t know how you do it.” Some are scared to have another baby out of the fear that it might be twins. They don’t hide their feelings, and I don’t blame them for it. I was there, and also I know how huge that multiples seem, especially when you do not have them yet. It does seem very overwhelming. I was once the one looking at multiple moms saying, ”I don’t know how they do it, but I couldn’t. I wouldn’t even want to.” I could not begin to wrap my head around it. Now here we are 5+ years later, and despite all of the hard work it’s been much more of a joy than a hardship. (With my crazy ladies that is saying A LOT!) Hubby’s genetics are LOCO! My boys were much calmer. (It’s all dad.)
Since Annie & Allie were new babies I would look at them and was in awe of what my body had accomplished. I felt very proud of myself. I loved other people telling me how amazing of a mom I was handling the girls so wonderfully, and most of those people were complete and total strangers. As the twins grew I found that some of the challenges got more difficult. Admittedly there were days I was frazzled and thought about how easy one would be in comparison. Then again, I remember feeling frazzled sometimes with only one at a time. (All moms have those moments.) However, in looking back, did I ever wish one twin away? Never. Did I when I was first pregnant? I won’t lie and say a definite no on that one. That was before I met and loved them like I do now. Like I did when they put them into my arms on day 1. Don’t feel guilty for feelings you have about the unknown. It’s normal, people just don’t like to admit to them.
Now I see so much light at the age we are at now. They are such amusing, entertaining, smart, vibrant little people who interact with each other with hardly any blood shed. The fighting is BY FAR more mild than it once was. It’s not blood shed at all honestly, but it once was. That was the hardest part for me about the twins alone. Thinking that these two little beings should be the best of friends, but for a long while they seemed to be more like worst enemies. I never thought that would change. Things did reverse themselves, and now I can see that there is a true bond, a twin connection, visible happiness and friendship when they are together. It’s these moments, the little things, these ‘burned into my memory’ good times that get me through every crazy day, week and year.
The moral is, I love being a twin mom. I cannot imagine NOT being a multiple mommy now. I honestly wish that time moved slower. (And I stay home with them to!) If I missed out on this experience I honestly would be very, very sad. It doesn’t feel like work anymore. It isn’t at all scary, it is amazing. You just want to remember every little thing and capture every second because you know twins are super entertaining to watch. Singletons can never ever compare in that department. I’m sad even imagining next year with them in school full-time and me losing our ‘us’ time I so enjoy. I cried about it already, and I will be crying again over it again many times before September comes.
So in closing, the same person who cried over finding out she was carrying multiples, and I did cry A LOT about it. The same person who spent 37 weeks hardly speaking to her husband, feeling so alone and even shunned by him because of his own doubts and fears along with my own, and with everybody scaring me with such little support it made my fears all the deeper.. now is crying for very different reasons. I just couldn’t imagine life without them. The hardships melt away, and time DOES make things easier. I have time now to worry less and enjoy more. It’s a great place to be at. My heart couldn’t be more full.
I just want to give hope to some others who maybe started out with some of the same feelings, the same fears and doubts. I don’t deny them – nobody should. Time will change your mind. This I know. It is not the easiest ride in the world, but time does make it easier, and the rewards are great. You will see through my eyes in the long run. I just wanted to offer up some encouragement today.
Congrats if you are a new twin mama or are pregnant with twins now. Smile, enjoy it. Don’t live in sadness and fear like I did because it all works out you will see, and you are blessed. Also, don’t Google. I have warned before, but you didn’t listen did you? Nobody else’s war stories define your situation and what YOUR life with twins is going to be like. I expected so much worse because of it and was pleasantly surprised, but I want to see you smile not cry… not fear. Look forward to the future. It is a bright one.
”I once heard the words ‘double blessings’, and I thought to myself, ”Yeah right.” I know now what I guess those people figured out before me. It is true.” – Mama P.