Getting Over Twin Shock: Moms To Be Of Twins Wanna Know
Getting Over Twin Shock: Moms To Be Of Twins Wanna Know
My babies are 34 months & 4 weeks old.
”Only hindsight is 20/20, so let me be your hindsight since now I can see!” – Mama P.
If you have read my blog before you know that if you were to look up the definition of twin shock in a dictionary (not that it is a recognized ‘word’ or ‘phrase’ just yet), you’d see my frightened face starring back at you as a perfect, prime example. I was a mess and 1/2 to put it mildly.
You can read more about the subject of pregnant with twins and petrified by clicking the pink link. Here are some of my personal tips for those dealing with this issue right now.
1) DON’T FEEL GUILTY!
This is most important. You shouldn’t assume that everybody thinks you should be over the moon by the news that you are having twins. If you talk to the majority of people they will say, they can’t begin to imagine if they were facing that news themselves, how they’d honestly feel. Don’t judge yourself. Other’s won’t, I promise.
2) Talk and then talk some more.
Don’t keep your emotions bottled up inside. Talk to your spouse, partner, friends, family. Get your feelings out. The more you talk about any difficult situation the better you feel inside, the more possible it is to face in the short-term, and to overcome in the long run. Denial is not the answer. Emotional and then physical preparation is. If you need to see a therapist to get there..DO IT! If we had the insurance to at the time I likely would have seen one.
3) Surround yourself with a positive support system ONLY!
If your spouse or partner is in their own world with their own case of twin shock and isn’t talking…demand some support from them. It takes two to tango no matter how your twins were conceived. You need to surround yourself with positive people. The opposite is detrimental.
This was a big issue for me and my own husband, and I would hate to see anybody else feeling as alone as I did back then. Even if support has to be through Internet friends and ‘stranger moms’ feeling the same way, or from those who have been in your boat, you need that reassurance, acceptance, understanding, support, and guidance to see you through your shock and get you to your ‘happy place’.
If you have to cut out negative forces surrounding you..you must do so! (I had to cut out my own parents for the most part!) You have got to keep your mind and your body healthy for these two new lives you have been chosen to care for.
*TIP– Don’t Google ANYTHING except twin support groups. Google is 99% of the time NOT your friend. Another reason why I am here. It wasn’t my friend either. I expected so much worse. Why torture yourself?*
4) Accept your pregnancy by doing things to make 2 babies more ‘real’ well before they are born.
(This will help)
a) Start shopping for your babies
Nobody wants to buy too many things prematurely, but there is no harm in buying two gender neutral outfits to help with the early twin shock. Shopping or even just browsing helps to ease most blues for women, and makes many things feel better. It may not cure twin shock, but it helps you in different ways. It helps you embrace the reality of your pregnancy, and of course, the ‘high’ from the shopping experience is an added bonus for your mood 😆 . Once you know the genders..go crazy! (You have my permission. Tell your hubby!!)
b) Buy a home doppler
These aren’t very expensive, and with my 3rd, 4th & 5th children it helped me IMMENSELY! I was always a worry wart. That investment let me hear my babies (in my case at 8+ wks. both times, so very early), which definitely made twins more real to me. You can’t help but bond more when you hear those two, little heartbeats. It was the best money I’ve ever spent!
c) Create a scrapbook
Right from the get-go start making a book to chronicle the lives of your babies from conception forward. This helps occupy your mind in happier more productive ways, and is something you’d regret not doing later on when you have much less time on your hands. Add a positive pregnancy test to. (Preserve it first.)
Home pregnancy preservation instructions found here. Add ultrasound photos, and baby A & B’s heart rates, their heights and weights at different points in the pregnancy, how you are feeling, etc.
d) Think about and/or talk baby names
Most women love thinking about this without being pregnant at all yet. Some have thought about the subject since childhood even. Naming two babies is a real challenge, so this again occupies the mind and puts the focus on something ‘fun’, rather than focusing on your worry so much.
e) Keep a pregnancy journal
I kept a pregnancy journal from day 1. Maybe I wish I were a little more honest in the beginning about the extent of my twin shock (even to myself), but writing DOES help out a lot! Poetry and journal entries are amazing outlets for pent up emotions. This can be just for you. Not for other eyes to ever see.
f) Get a 3D/4D ultrasound
If your twin shock persists as did mine, get a 3D/4D ultrasound. Your babies won’t be more real until their birth if you get one of these done. You may see thumbsucking, hiccups, yawns, etc. Even the biggest of worriers can’t help but feel moved to tears. It’s a wonderful experience. I NEEDED to do this personally.
5) Remember that NOTHING is impossible!
You can have your fears and your worries, but if God chooses you to be a twin mom, he chooses you. (You ARE special!) What may seem like an unhappy or overwhelming hardship at first, or even a curse (yes..some of us get that bad), you absolutely got this.
Like I have said before, I love my sleep, I love to go places and stay on the move, I was never an organized or scheduled person in the least, I really did just want one baby to finish my family, my plans did not include twins AT ALL. But yet here I am almost 3 years later making it work and I’m proud of myself. You will amaze yourself to, I promise.
That extra baby finds its way into your family and into your hearts right from its first breath of life. Once you meet your new twins and hold them both is when your over-active brain will finally rest and say, ”WOW, I can’t imagine not having one of these beautiful babies here with me.”
If I could turn back the hands of time and change one thing NOW…it would NOT be to be pregnant with a singleton as I once wished for, but it would be to enjoy my pregnancy more, bond with my babies more, be happy about what I was given more, and to freakin’ relax a heck of a lot more. I swear to you, everything falls into place.
Why do you think I named this website TwinPOSSIBLE 😀 ??
Happy & healthy pregnancy mama!
Need to talk? I’m here. firstname.lastname@example.org