9 Wk. 3 days Shocking Update! (A Must Read)
(Warning…LONG, but worth the read!)
Mood: Pissed Off/ Happy
If my appt. went how I thought it would go, this post would be short. Sad, but short, HOWEVER….the Dr was WRONG…I’m very much so, still having twins still, my baby B is not ‘gone’. He or she was there, alive & well, and in all honesty simply wanted to STRANGLE THE MAN!!!
I think I was more in shock yesterday then at the original ultrasound, saying one was gone. I mean how often does a vanished twin occur, vs oops….missed a live twin? PLUS if he had missed something, or there was even a slight chance, why not put the probe back in and have another look, why DEFINATELY say, only 1 baby, 1 sac, one everything, I’m certain, even after being questioned, are you 100% sure??
You WON’T believe this part!! Ok first let me just say the u/s was amazing this time. it was a huge screen right over my head, totally state of the art, I could see everything, and once that second sac and bean appeared I was positively dumbfounded & in awe. There was a dr there and a nurse, the nurse happened to be MY dr’s wife, the one who told me i was having one, so i chose my words as carefully as i could, but….i said aloud ‘Umm dr T said one baby had vanished and passed away, and i was having only one now, so i wondered what was causing my cramps and a episode of spotting’, which i of course was fibbing about, just to get in for another looksy, i couldn’t wait weeks more in limbo’. The tech lady said ‘hold on’..i hear them talking amongst themselves….then a minute in, i obviously could see what was going on, and they labeled the babies like i was an idiot, to show me, there was very much two A & B…duh i knew that at this point, lol, i was just adding how could it happen, and wanted an answer!
and the wife of the Dr. goes, ‘No he told me before you came in, he thought you were definitely having twins, he wanted us to make sure both are viable though, because of your spotting’ (my fake spotting, as explained before, or it would have been nearly 4 more weeks of this uncertainty). UMMMMM….SO AFTER I SAW HIM, HE KNEW IT WAS TWINS, AND WAS LETTING ME GO ANOTHER 4 WEEKS THINKING MY BABY WAS DEAD? I mean waiting days was enough, and if it weren’t FOR ME, I would not have known this till 12 wk’s, and would have been grieving a child for much longer then I had been, isn’t that INSANITY?? I expected him to go oops, made a mistake, I’m sorry, but now he’s telling the tech b4 I go in, he is sure it’s twins, and not sure if both were viable, then why didn’t he LOOK harder last week?? Why did he tell me definitely one baby?? How could he do that, and then not even ask me to come for a second look, I had to be the one to push for it???
I have a sinking feeling that the other doctor I saw for the previous two ultrasounds, outside of the practice, who saw the twins had sent my records over later, after the appt. where he said 1 bub was gone. Maybe they called up AFTER we had called them in an uproar over one twin being suddenly gone perhaps.. because he had no inkling about a second before I had told him myself, it was all news to him. now suddenly HE felt there was twins?? Come on now, he had told me I was better off, and I’ll have a quick uncomplicated vaginal birth, so how could he have known then?? He didn’t, the other office clearly told him, and now he acted like he knew all along. UGH what a mess! I had called the other office in a panic, and they must have relayed the news…two healthy babies & heartbeats a week prior. That is what went down. Can a Dr. ever just admit they made a mistake and fess up to it. I mean seriously? I could scream my head off!!
Anyhow back to the story. I’m sitting there totally prepared to see my dead baby and when I saw a second heart beat, I almost fell off the table. a miraculous shocker, I will NEVER forget, but the Dr enraged me. baby A had a heartbeat of 176 bpm, and baby B a high 190. Both quite viable. I forgot to ask CRL’s (Lengths), because I was sooo flippin nervous and full of emotion. I really do not see how he missed such a thing, I really don’t.
anyhow, after the u/s, his wife, the nurse said, ‘Dr. T wants to see you after this, so you can wait in the waiting room, don’t go home yet’ I said ‘ok’. me and hubby looked at one another. I said to him privately…how could he wanna see ME?? If I were him, I would run not walk away from me today, what does he want?? I said if I were any other person, oh my God, they would totally go off on him, and freak out, like what the hell, look at what you put me thru this week?? I can’t imagine what your average person that isn’t such a wuss would say and do after so much stress. I know what my heart wanted to say and do, but when it comes time, it never works out that way, I turn into mush city, in front of someone’s back, not behind it, in a situation such as this, it’s just who I am, darn it, but I was incredibly pissed off, pardon my french. I had to say something though, I mean I asked him the day of that 1st scan with him, are you sure, and he was certain enough to not look again, so, come on:(
Anyhow, when I went the receptionist, and she told me to sit down and wait for him, he happened to walk by their window, and this made me wanna reach in and slap him quite honestly. He said all coyly ‘I TOLD YA’, with a big grin on his face. WHAT DID HE MEAN HE TOLD ME??? HE TOLD ME THE BABY WAS GONE…AKA DEAD, I HAD ONE, WHAT ON EARTH DOES I TOLD YOU MEAN????? Was that trying to save face? I don’t know, but I wanted to slug him when he said that. For 45 minutes of waiting I said to my husband over and over..I cannot believe he said ‘I told ya…how could he even begin to say that??’ My head was spinning.
We get called in finally. I was staring at the photo I got, the ultrasound pic, for the whole time, trying to wrap my brain around what had happened, I really didn’t have hope for this. It was just too far out there for me. I mean the guy has been doing this for 30+ yrs, what was the chance that my gut would be right vs his vast knowledge? If he says my baby is gone, it has to be right?? He would look again before making such a claim RIGHT? I just ugh….mentally drained at that point. then, in staring at the photo and hearing the good news, my heart sort of softened, but I sware I was furious, and happy at the same time.
He comes into the office finally, and he goes ‘Congratulations, everything looks great, I’m glad you came in today’. I said I didn’t even have an appt to come in, I came in because I was worried. I thought you were sure it was 1 baby? (now saying that was ballsy for me, but I didn’t have a mean face on the outside, I did inside though). He smiles like an idiot…’Well, I thought there was one, but in looking at this ultrasound, I think one was hiding behind the other one, so I couldn’t see it’. Uh huh, I’m thinking. they were quite far apart in the first u/s pic I was given, and me and hubby are very certain we saw some part of a second sac, and it was NOT behind baby A, it was still far away enough, to not be confused with it being ‘hidden’, one behind the other, yet close enough to clearly notice, and completely lined up w/ the original u/s picture, from the week I had seen the two at the other facility, so I do not buy that story AT ALL, about a hiding twin.
I felt at this point, like he was shocked, was spitting out different stories, during his ramblings, he obviously heard from the other office, and truth be told if I went 4 weeks like this to find out, this had happened, as excited as I would be, I’d be even more livid, and I think MAYBE just maybe, a bit of my hard to reach temper, would have come to the surface. How dare he??? This could only happen to me I sware It’s so strange to be so mad and so happy at the exact same time. I mean I told everyone here in my home, and I told my mom, my aunt, and my friend one baby was gone, I was grieving, and preparing to tell the rest of my family, it’s INSANITY. If he thought he could be wrong, after maybe talking to my other Dr. or getting a report from them, or something, why not call ME, not vise versa, and say I need you to come in, I wanna check this out????
Welp, so I’m back with two, very healthy beans, and a very shocking story to tell my twins someday! Unbelievable, but true. I wouldn’t have believed it myself, if I hadn’t lived it!
Be back soon!