4 Year Old Bullies: Mom Steps Up! What Can We Do To Stop This Madness?
4 Year Old Bullies: Mom Steps Up! What Can We Do To Stop This Madness?
My little girls are 4 years, 8 months, 2 weeks & 4 days old.
The twins’ story
Bullies, bullies, bullies. They aren’t only tweens and teens anymore. They come in all shapes, sizes and scarily enough, ages. I was in Mc Donalds with the twins the other day when these two little boys were refusing them accsess into the tunnels to play. The twins kept trying and kept getting turned away as I looked on. I then quickly voiced out, ”Excuse me little boys, this playground is for everybody. Let my daughters go through please.” This didn’t seem to have any affect, and I could not believe that the mothers did not pay any attention to their behavior or me calling out their kids. I was waiting for it.
They continued to deny the twins accsess and my girls came to me, ”We aren’t allowed inside. It is their house, and if we do it again we will be arrested and put into jail.” I got off of my rump again and continued over to the boys once more. ”You guys are not being very nice. You need to have better manners and learn to play with everybody. This is not your home. Where are your mommies?” Nobody fessed up. I looked around and saw women chatting away, I figure the two that were nearby were the ones, but why would they allow this to continue on and my children to get upset? This may not be name calling or hitting but it IS bullying. These kids were about 4 years old to. This type of controlling behavior leads to bigger things down the line, and the mothers just couldn’t care less. I hate when parents turn the other cheek at bad behavior rather then rectifying it.
Everywhere should be a…..
I went and helped them up into the tubes passed the boys, and one boy told me we could not enter. I said, ”Excuse me sweetie, but they are coming in here, and you will not bother them again or your mommy is going to be very angry with you for not being a good little boy. Which mother is your mommy anyway?” I said it loud enough to try and get a response from the adult area. For Pete’s sake we were only feet away from the tables, and there were only about 6 kids in total there, including my own girls. Could these mothers have been THAT deaf or ignorant, or perhaps they condone such behavior or simply don’t care. My pulse started racing. As a former bully victim I am now a huge advocate against it, and I hated seeing the sad, wet eyes on my little girls’ faces. They may bully one another at times at home (normal for twins), but darned if you would see them in public ever treating another child in a negative way. It is not the way they are being raised.
I mean I know some kids are headstrong and boys can be mean to girls, but was it wrong of me to at least want a mom or two to fess up, admit these were their children and say, ”Matt, Chris (e.g.)..be nice to those little girls or you won’t be allowed to play.” Or ”We are going to go home if you aren’t nice”.. SOMETHING to that effect? But no response came at all. They continued on, and Annie and Allie were then glued to my side back at the table. One father took his son and left over the incident, or so it appeared. Yes, Mama P.’s blood was beginning to boil as this talk of arresting my daughters and chit-chatting oblivious mothers carried on. I got to the point where I tried talking nice yet firmly, but it was not working.
After a couple of comments shouted down at my girls from the tubes to the table about the ‘stupid girls’ AKA Annie & Allie, followed by laughter, I had had enough. I stood in front of everybody and point blank asked, ”Who are these boys’ mothers?” Nobody wanted to come forward, though I had a hunch. I told the boys I was going to get the manager if they did not play nice. That he would take care of things. I made it loud enough so the parents would surely hear, but nobody cared. I’d be apologizing if it were my kid, what is wrong with people? Then I coaxed Annie & Allie back into the tunnels and the boys were silent. The threat of the manager coming may just have worked. They went up inside, and I sat back down awaiting the unpredictablle outcome. I see them talking over in the top part of the tunnels. They started giggling and laughing. Next thing you know my girls and the boys were playing. They were friends.
I find this to be a common outcome when kids stand up to bullies. I have seen it with my other daughter before. The bullies lose their power and respect your persistence and strength. (Not that I want my kids to be-friend bullies, but these boys were only toddlers like my own. I did want them to learn a lesson though. Maybe they did, but it needs to be taught at home as well. Not just by a concerned stranger.)
My whole life I was told to just take the high road and walk away from bullies. Being silent didn’t get me ANYWHERE, and they are too young to voice themselves on this, and so I did it for them. I have no regrets because positive self-esteem is hard enough to have without any roadblocks. Bullies can strip this away from other kids at very young ages now. This is just a small example, but let’s just say that it doesn’t get any better.
(Allie actually got her arm twisted the other day, but she didn’t tell me and show me the red marks until the girl had left the building with her mother. I’m going to talk to the mother next week at dance class.) It’s just plain sad! Teachers don’t always catch it either, so we have to be proactive with our children!
The scary reality of bullying since my 9 year old was 5!
In kindergarten my 9 year old was told she had a fat face and she became insanely picky with her food and obviously very down about herself and school. I had to take action, though she didn’t know what I had done, but the damage to her ego was already done. She still remembers the comment. Then somebody else told her that they were a vegetarian. That meat is murdering animals, and so she didn’t eat meat for at least a year. We could not get her to eat any of it. Then in 2nd grade she asked if her thighs jiggled. I responded with, ”You have to have thighs in order for them to jiggle.” It’s crazy to worry about weight and beauty so young. She’s a beautiful, beautiful twig! I wish she’d put on a few pounds. Then in 3rd grade it was a unibrow comment, and she wanted me to fix it for her. Now a boy said she has a mustache. I mean, I told her boys make fun of a girl if they like them, and you are very smart, popular and beautiful and other people can be jealous and mean because of it.
I urge her to only treat others the way she would want to be treated. I never EVER want to parent a bull-ier as a child of mine. But walking away and staying silent meant weakness in my day. It never ended my torture. So I do encourage both kids AND adults to stand up for yourself at any age. If somebody God forbid uses physical force, I told Mikayla to call on a teacher or someone older for help, but if they are continuing to hurt her and she is not being helped, she has every right to defend herself against a bully, even physically if ever need be. I pray that it won’t happen, but sadly, for some it does- even in the 4th grade. Me and the hubster are on the same page there. She knows she would never get into trouble with us, but it is ALWAYS a last resort. Sometimes you have no choice but to protect yourself. (As a former victim of bullying and also of abusive relationships.)
I’m not condoning violence, just self-preservation if need be. Again, ALWAYS a last resort and only if attacked first.
Some may disagree, that is fine, but those people were likely never in the situations I have been in. I am happy for those people.
It’s just very scary, so I have to let my twins know that being made to be outcasts where you clearly also belong is a small but real way of being a bully victim. Do not let others scare or intimidate you. Everybody is created equal. Nobody is better than anybody else. Anything that makes somebody feel badly because of another human being IS bullying. I pray I make it through this all with 3 girls in tow. My son loved school and it just seemed so easy for him. Girls are so cruel so early. Lord give me strength. Just venting today.