29 WKS. MORE Unexpected Bad News…GD!
Losing My Marbles: MORE Bad News!!
29 wk’s. 3 days!
Welp, my horrible rash is finally starting to go away, after all of this time, which has been a VERY grueling few months to say the least, and my belly is growing by the day. I have been feeling ok, still nervous of course about the tummy, not just the battle scars stuff, but fitness is something I had just gotten into, and love, and you need to have a strong core, so I worry but try and hold hope, and then an atom bomb hits….GESTATIONAL DIABETES!! what did you say?? (silence).
Ok I don’t fit the bill in ANY way shape or form, they told me, and was totally told to not worry, it’d come back negative. How hilarious right? NOT. I took the 1 hr, and went over by only 6 points, which is not much, so the Dr said surely you will pass the 3 hr, you are definitely not one that needs to worry, so I truly did not worry for once in my life.
I took the 3 hr and also a fetal protein test, cause I have been having a lot of contractions, and I thought maybe that would come back positive, meaning possible pre term labor risk in the very soon future, because of all the pressure and contractions going on, which is still not definitive, just an increased risk, but nope, beans are still baking just fine, but the test I did fail, 2 out of 3 draws whatever that truly means, I’m not up on this stuff, having always been relatively thin, except one time in my life, but never obese, but I still was far from too heavy for my height, in shape, and never needing to watch my diet before, plus I just have zero of the risk factors, no family history, nothing, and even in those w/ such risk factors we are talking only 4% of all preggos, so lucky, lucky me once again. ugh, then i had to go and read up on it, and let’s just say my heart has been pounding like wildfire ever since.
I haven’t had an ounce of this pregnancy to sit back and enjoy like the others. I’m soo very saddened about that, because soon life will be hard in many ways, and I wish I could relax NOW, but God just won’t cut me a break. I don’t over eat, but I do eat sugar for sure, and carbs in what I do eat w/o any thought, now idk how I’m gonna curb much of that, but he said it likely will be controlled by diet. I WON’T inject any med’s into my body and prick my finger every day, that is just awful and something I’m just not able to do, so hopefully diet will be enough, and hopefully the #’s are just over a tad, like the 1st test was. I didn’t ask I was too shocked. he just said not scary high when I asked that, is all, just ‘high’, so I got it. We live on breads, pastas, bagels, fruits, and sweetened juices, low calorie, but they are still sweetened, and I love my cake, ice cream, and candy *grrr*. I really didn’t need that.
Now what? Worry feverishly, about the bubs after delivery and growing too large now? I don’t want a c-section, I have nightmares over that, I want to go natural more then anything, and to bounce back like I always have b4, so I’m not in need of painkillers, and not being able to move around, stuck in bed, and if the babies get too large then I risk that shoulder dystosia, which I have been through before, and it’s majorlly scary, and other stuff, like health risks for the babies themselves, I just could never have that happen. I had two awful experiences and one terrific one with Mickey, so I hope it goes off like that, but the big baby thing worries me, due to two on board and my size, and the sugar worries, what risks are lying ahead for them then? I’d think none, but that isn’t what I am reading, and I just don’t know what to believe.
Guess I’ll believe the Dr. I hope to hear I’m overreacting as I always used to hear, I can’t bare any more bad news. I hope this is just a pregnancy thing, then all returns to normal, and the babies are happy, healthy, no complications I read of, no worries long term, just smooth sailing. Cause healthy babies are hard enough to juggle, while being healthy yourself, I don’t even wanna fathom anything less then that. God why don’t you hear my cries for help anymore? I’ve never felt more alone, as far as you are concerned, then since I got pregnant with these little girls. I just want you to start shining down on me, bringing me positive news, and positive things, rather then letting more negative enter into my life, it’s been such a hard 34 yrs, please hear me now, and come step in to help me..I beg of you. I don’t know how much more I can take!
I wanna enjoy this darn it. please allow me to:( Thanks, amen. Sorry to rant and vent yet again, I’m just soo very tired and frustrated. I just need some harmony and peace for a change. Welp I gotto go, I’ll let you know what happens, I see the endocrinologist today, and hopefully he’ll have some good news for me, and the diet won’t be far off from what I am used to. (HOPING). Breathe in…breathe out. On top of that all my, and the kid’s xmas money is mysteriously missing, and now I’m broke. I hope I can find those cards soon, I know where I put them, but they are not in that place so I’m buggin. My husband’s birthday is tomorrow, and now I can’t even take him out to eat, I’m going crazy. Serenity now Lord. Anyhow here is a growing belly pic. I look by far, bigger then my 32 wk from last time. Bye for now. Hope to come back with a positive report:) xoxo