15 Things To Never Say To A Pregnant Mother Of Twins-To-Be
15 Things To Never Say To A Pregnant Mother Of Twins-To-Be
My cutie pies are 5 years & 5 days old.
Now I have discussed something similar several times in the past. ‘Things to never say to a mother of twins’ because I have heard them all, and quite frankly, some people are just too brazen and others are flat out idiots. (Sad but true.) So I wanted to cover more ground on this topic with a twist – pregnant twin moms. (No offense people. I’m not saying a one of these idiotic people are you, but they are out there. You will meet them.) Like the moron who asked me since my twins looked so different, was I sure they had the same father. So either I was a slut he was implying I guess, or the lab had a little mix up on that second insemination, hey? I reckon he knew nothing about the latter, so I guess I was just a slut 😯 . Um, hun.. have you ever heard of FRATERNAL TWINS?! Look it up!
OK, but to get off of that one for a second, what about things that are said to the known PREGNANT mother-to-be of twins? Moms of twins will hear it all and then some, but I heard some stuff when I was pregnant with my girls that was far from comforting or kind even. SO, before you choose to open your mouth.. read away. Oh, and for those who are pregnant with twins right now do feel free to add your own personal experience. Already moms of twins can chime in on this one also.
1) ”You look huge, are you sure that you’re not having triplets?”
Pregnant woman always feel huge. Moms of multiples do not at all need this to be pointed out to them, as they do have a mirror and can feel and have eyes. But some people like to add little remarks about doctors maybe missing another baby because you are so ‘ginormous’ in their eyes. Whelp honey, moms by this stage of pregnancy have had about a dozen or more ultrasounds. I would say they are pretty darn confident in their ‘diagnosis’ if you will. And for those who find this funny.. watch out. Twin moms have extra hormones coursing through their veins. An off day may cause mom to go off. Don’t be stupid! And for the record I have seen twin moms carry smaller than singleton moms and vs. versa, so you can’t ASSume when looking at a woman’s belly, but no mom-to-be wishes to hear it.
2) ”Your poor husband.”
How so? We carry the babies, birth the babies, and while men help out, in most cases, (a vast majority) we do more of the child-rearing. Why is it that everybody says that? I hear it now, but that is because I have twin girls and people think girls are so hard, that some idiots actually think it’s a curse or something, when I was very excited to find out I was having twin girls. They are beautiful, amazing little beings. I always longed for a sister, now I have 3 girls that may have their issues throughout life but will grow into best friends for the duration, and that makes me happy not sad. I don’t think like some people say ‘boy/girl’ pairs are perfect. I think every set of twins are perfectly perfect! Strangers bite your tonuge and also remember, we are doing more than the men when it comes to these babies start to finish.
Oh, and when they heard it was girls they’d also feel badly for my husband. Aren’t I going to be alive to? Aren’t I going to be the one helping them with period talk and boy problems? WHY poor dad? If it’s about money, as all kids are expensive and twins aren’t cheap, but if that is the particular person’s angle there, um, look at the salary stay at home moms should be getting. Our job is supposed to be higher-paying than most guys outside of what massive CEOS are making. So we earn it baby. However, we get paid in love and kisses. And some women work and are parents to. Again, on any level of this stupid comment I have heard TOO many times, WHY, WHY, WHY? Shut UP!
3) ”Oh, you got two for the price of one.”
Not quite, but if you think that is an original remark you are dead wrong! I didn’t find them to ever be 2 for the price of 1 during the pregnancy with all of the extra doctor trips and testing. I didn’t feel like after birth it was close to 2 for the price of 1, and if people think it’s just plum easier ‘getting it over with’ some women THINK or even say, they couldn’t be more wrong. A twin pregnancy has risks, and twins might be cute but it isn’t a cake walk. A lot of women fantasize about twins, then they have one baby and realize motherhood is hard. So don’t make that comment. It isn’t original, it isn’t funny, and it sure as hell isn’t close to true.
4) ”Are they natural or ‘real’?”
Um, twins are always very real, never ever imaginary, and are they natural? NO, they are artificially sweetened. People have guts let me tell you. Unfortunately, you will hear this much more so AFTER you are pushing around your twinkies in an actual stroller. People should never ask this, but do brace yourself.
5) ”I hope you have a lot of help. I can’t imagine how hard 2 are going to be.”
You don’t have to imagine it. God picked me not you (tongue out). I heard this so much while pregnant that it scared the life out of me. These people had me convinced that we weren’t going to be enough because it is going to be impossibly hard and we don’t have a lot of helpful, selfless family around. I spit on you people. Me and my husband are 99% of everything, and between the two of us we not only made twins work, but we became a stronger team then we had ever been prior. It didn’t drive us apart, it did the opposite. So keep your BS to yourself. Twins may be harder in many ways, but it is a very rewarding experience that trumps the labor involved, and is perfectly doable and is being done by common folk like me with not much family and no nannies involved. You can do the same. It will all be OK. DO NOT let them scare you!
6) ”Can I feel your belly?”
Our bellies get stretched, they feel tight, they often itch and there is a painful game of ”kill your co-twin” (or so it seems sometimes) going on inside of our tummies that can make our ribs, pelvic area, etc. ache or even really hurt sometimes. (At 37 weeks I was so done. Those last few weeks were painful with two in tow. I never had that with singletons.) The last thing we need is strangers feeling up our bellies. Plus, remember – double the babies, double (or at least close to double) the hormones. What you think might be ‘cutesy’, a hormonal mom of twins-to-be may not take so kindly to. You might get the pocket book thrown your way 😆 . Hands off the belly unless you are offered a touch. Don’t ever just ‘go there’.
7) ”Did you plan them?”
I don’t know many, if any parents of multiples that actually plan on having twins. It is a dumb question. When they are born you are happy to have them yes, but it usually isn’t a journey most strive for before we end up living the journey. Then it is perfectly fine to be excited about it. I just find it a dumb question because you can’t plan having twins anyway. It’s something that God chooses for you, not something you can choose for yourself, though you may be at higher odds that still isn’t ‘planning’.
8 ) ”I’d be so terrified of this, that, the other thing, etc.” Better you than me.”
I was scared, but I was also blessed. Absolutely better me than you with that attitude honey. I heard that too often, and it was never a one time amusing to hear.
9) Crazy faces, shocked looks and odd reactions that speak for themselves without words.
I can’t begin to describe the LOOKS I would get from strangers when I told them I was having twins. Forget about just my family and friends who were speechless. My own dad had some negative choice words, but I have since proved him wrong on all fronts.. ha, ha. But the way people just gave me this horrible look. Some were blank stares, some even laughed and said, ”Good luck with that.” I felt like a freakazoid. Only maybe 2 or 3 people out of it had to be at least 200 along the way, actually said, ”Big congratulations. That is great. What a blessing.” Most people looked at me like I had a disease, and of course, this scared me even more so about having twins since me and my husband were in twin shock most of the pregnancy. I really wish people would be more supportive. It’s not their belly and their babies, so why react so negatively? It certainly didn’t help me, and now when I see twin moms I always know to be positive, positive, positive, as they may be scared also.
10) ”Oh God, you will never look like the old you ever again.”
I can’t tell you how many people told me about their friend or family member’s ‘after twin body’. I didn’t care to hear about it. I had my own worries. I certainly didn’t need people bringing them all up tp me. Some just flat out told me, ”No bikini for you ever again.” Nice people, huh? Yes, I have heard it all, but I spit on them now because that isn’t always the case. Drink lots of water to stay very hydrated, don’t over-gain on empty calories, try and stay somewhat active, as much as you can anyway, continue after the birth, keep a nice container of Palmer’s Tummy Butter nearby and bind up with a belly binder like the one I used after the twins’ birth for awhile, and you do have a good shot at a really good to great after-math. No matter what, our healthy babies are worth everything, but what I thought was so hopeless, obviously was not, so keep your mouths shut people! Scaring others isn’t something you should feel good about doing. Everybody has war stories on all topics. Keep them to yourselves!
11) ”My friend had twins and…” (Choose 1 or all)
A) She is divorced now.
B) They are in financial hell.
C) She had plastic surgery or is wanting/ saving for it.
D) I never see her anymore.
E) Her house is looney bin.
F) I’m so glad I only have one baby whenever I go over to visit her.
G) I can’t imagine being in her shoes. (Thus also saying in yours and mine as well.)
H) OMG.. she has it so hard.
I) She never gets out of the house now.
Motherhood is never easy, be it one baby or 4. But I had it in my mind that this all was going to be impossibly hard, we could never hack this, and I have to say I was pleasantly surprised at how much better and even easier raising twins was than the horror I expected from all of the comments such as these. Don’t let people scare you. Take them with a grain of salt, enjoy your pregnancy, and you will see for yourself. None of the things I was freaked out about EVER happened. Not a one. It’s not ‘easy’ to raise twins, but it is far from impossible. I’d rewind and relive it all. What does that tell you? And me and my husband have steady date nights and are closer than ever.. through good times and bad.
Oh, and my 3rd singleton has always been such a challenging child that I used to compare her to twins, as far as difficulty raising, though I had no clue. Now since I have twins I upped it to triplets 😆 , so it depends on the children themselves to. I hate generalizations. Twins do bring with them certain challenges but also advantages that pop up over time. You will see!
12) ”You are going to have your hands so full.”
Full of extra hugs, love and kisses. Everything I stressed SO hard about, thinking how difficult this whole journey would be because of Google and my own inner fears was unfounded. It’s been one of the absolute greatest experiences of my life that I never knew that I wanted before, but would never change for the world, and absolutely would do all over again. What does that tell you after 37 weeks of massive twin shock, worry and nail biting. It was ALL for nothing!
13) ”How did this happen to you?”
Well, when a man and a woman love each other very much and one way or another decide to make a family together, a sperm and an egg meet and sometimes that egg will split and twins are conceived and later born. And sometimes two eggs are released and fertilized and two babies are conceived that way as well and later born. Did you ever attend health class or did you sleep right through? One time I got fed up by this one woman who held me up for over 1/2 an hour with stupid questions, and I said, ”The hubby did me twice that night :lol:.” She finally got the hint and walked away. I was always normally very nice, but I was a tad hormonal that day, and she was annoying and very personal. You’ll experience that, believe me.
14) ”You are definitely having a c-section since it’s twins.”
Wrong, wrong. Another assumption that no stranger or even family member can or should make. Only 1/2 of twins are born via c-section. EVERYBODY said this to me, even when I walked into the hospital that day 7 centimeters dilated already. The nurses, everybody.. but I proved them all wrong with my natural birth, despite baby B being breech. There is a higher risk of c-section with twins, but for many, many women like myself it is possible, so don’t let people tick you off on that one. I mean no matter what it is worth the outcome, but people don’t know your situation, and you might not even until the end, but you got a great chance for a vaginal birth. I definitely recommend having a birth plan early on to show to your doctor and to voice to anyone else IF your doctor is not delivering your twins when the big day arrives. What is best for the babies will be done, however, a rush to c-section is happening more and more in this day and age, so let your voice be heard. GOOD LUCK!
15) ”I guess you’re done now.”
Just because a woman bears twins, whether her 1st babies or her 3rd and 4th or 10th and 11th babies, nobody should ever assume that means that she is done procreating. If I was younger and my husband was younger and we didn’t have the financial issues that we unexpectedly happened upon, I’d consider another baby, and these are my 4th and 5th! Many people who have twins only, long for a 3rd child. I hate when people just assume that twins are either so perfect because you have two that you can stop now. That is optimum. Or that you are driven so crazy by twins that you get that sarcastic, ”I know you’re done now after double trouble.. he, he.” Not funny at all! Twins rock and many moms (and dads) want more. If they don’t that is their choice, but don’t ever assume.
16) (A BONUS) ”Do you wish it were only one?”
Though one at a time was my personal preference. I had singleton envy for awhile.. I won’t lie. However, if I could have gazed into the future sooner than it caught up with me, I would never have longed for that, knowing the outcome. I love being a twin mom now. I revel in it, I enjoy watching them interact in a way that no other two siblings do. How they understand each other and have so much more in common (mine are girls). Same age/ phase doesn’t make it easier in all respects like some think twins are harder or easier than two of different yet very close ages. (Read my article on that one by clicking the pink link.)
If I think of some more, these are just off the top of my head, I will post a second edition to this in the future. Meanwhile, do feel free to add below, and do not fear! I wish I enjoyed my twin pregnancy more, listened to idiots less and reveled in it. That is my biggest regret, because on ALL fronts it turned out to be better than I ever imagined! You can do it to. Have faith in yourself. You were a special woman to be chosen for this job. You got this!