15 Sure Fire Ways To Get Under Mom’s Skin!
15 Sure Fire Ways To Get Under Mom’s Skin!
I’m just gonna go and hide under here for awhile.
Mom won’t worry about where I ran off to.
#1) Be sure and gab away and ask questions while mom tries to listen to her favorite song, or any complete song on the radio. Why should she get 3 minutes of silence?
#2) Don’t forget to ask about 2 dozen times ‘Are we there yet?’ ‘Ok, then how much longer do you think until we’ll be there?’ ‘Are we close?’ ‘Which direction are we going in? North, East, West, South?’
#3) Babies, be sure and leave mom a nice juicy poopy diaper as soon as you reach a location that doesn’t have any pull down changers in the bathroom. Make sure it’s a loose one to. Riding up your back from behind… even better. And please, don’t dare sit still for a second while she’s changing. Moms love a messy struggle.
#4) Throw your bottle or toy off of the highchair and when she picks it up repeat. Again, and again, and again, and again. If she stops picking it up proceed to cry until you are blue in the face and she can’t stand it any longer. Get it back and start all over again.
#5) At every single commercial be sure to say ‘I want that, please, please can I have that toy? I don’t want it for Christmas, I want it for now.’
#6) Boys, be sure and leave a little splatter on the toilet bowl seat that mommy doesn’t realize. Makes for a nice ewey, when she sits down.
#7) Be sure to leave your shoes, coats, toys all over the room. Mommy enjoys a good slip and fall, even though she can’t sue you.
#8) Go ahead and feed the dog your dinner behind ‘ol moms back. The things that Fido doesn’t like will quickly become little science experiments under the table. That’s ok, you needed to call the exterminator anyway.
#9) Be sure to cry incessantly at 12 am, 3 am, and 5 am. It’s a complete and total myth that moms need to sleep to. That’s what they invented coffee for, so go ahead and wail!
#10) Do be sure to disturb the rare peaceful moment where mommy and daddy decide to ‘talk’ in the bedroom. Nothing makes for a stronger orgasm then a little voice at the door going, ‘Mom please come here and wipe my butt. I just pooed.’ How romantic?
#11) The one rare time that mom gets a chance to watch a show that she loved before her mother-hood, be certain to change the station over to Blue’s Clues. She has kids now. Why should she think she could ever watch anything that SHE enjoy(ed) ever again?
#12) Always go and draw on your bedroom furniture. Nothing a mom loves more then buying something pretty, spending the family’s hard earned money, and having it look like the bible re-written on wood. Be sure and grab the permanent markers to.
#13) Unwrap a whole roll of toilet paper, shove it into the toilet bowel, pull the flush lever, and wait awhile before coming to tell mom that you overflowed the toilet, and you now have a private beach inside of your home.
Give it enough time to seep into the floor and cause stains and leaking on the ceiling below. Then be sure and say when questioned, ‘I swear, I didn’t do it,’ when you are the only one around. (That can reach it anyways.)
#14) Try on mom’s new dress she bought for a special occasion, and make a nice big rip in it while the tag is still on. Where was she really going to go without you anyways? She won’t mind.
Go and grab her discontinued lipstick, while you are at it. Make sure and use it all up painting your entire face. Don’t leave any leftover.
#15) Be sure and turn the thermostat down or up so it suddenly turns into Siberia or West Palm Beach. Turn the cold level on the fridge down so everything melts and gets soggy. Be sure and do this right after shopping though. Leave the bathroom faucet running, because you know how much parents just love paying bills. The higher the better.
Knock over your cup of juice, each and every time you sit down for dinner, and be sure to repeatedly talk over and over about how much you hate little Suzy in your Kindergarten class, and wish she would vanish into thin air. Should we call the therapist now or later?
There are many more ways to annoy mom, but take it slow. You’ll find new ones to invent every day…no rush. Motherhood lasts a lifetime.
Moms just love giving baths after 9pm!
Go ahead. The filthier the better!
(This post I wrote as ‘buzz’ to the article ’25 Ways To Annoy Your Mom.’ A seed planted by Better in Bulk & found HERE.
Wanna see 25 ways to annoy your kids back? Click HERE.)