15 Stupid Things People Say To A Mother Of Twins. (Yes, I have More Of Them!)
15 Stupid Things People Say To A Mother Of Twins. (Yes, I have More Of Them!)
My naturally sweetened duo is 26 months, 2 weeks, and 2 days old. Pass the hanky please!
Ha ha. That says it all!
My girls are now 26 months, so they don’t get quite as many oohs and ahhs as they did as smaller babies. People seem to be more drawn to infants than to toddlers, especially if they don’t tend to look remotely alike. However, I still get more than my fair share of stupid comments at this stage.
1) ”Oh they are twins? I assumed they were just cousins or something.” Yeah, I went out, bought the same outfit, bow, shoes, etc., to doll up one of my daughters’ little cousins, and oh yeah, I actually went to my sister in law who doesn’t even exist, and begged her to let me take her baby along. Like I just needed to slow myself down and take on another tyke. And I even bought the double stroller for that to right? Just for these once in awhile excursions. I know they don’t look alike, but the cousin or friend thing..I just don’t get it.
2.) ”How many months apart are they?’ None! What’s the age difference between them? About 4 minutes. ”You mean they are twins?” ”Yupper!” ”Oh. That one looked so much older.” Or…”That one has no much more hair.” Or…”She looks so much taller than the other.” Ah-ha. They are the same height, but if you say so. You know better than I.
3) ”Wow, I always wanted twins.” If I can tell they already have been a parent, I might follow up this one with, ”Until you had a baby, right?” Most nod in agreement. You get that occasional person that despite their brood still wished for, and really, really wanted (or wants) twins. My rebuttal? ”I’ll let you borrow these two for the day. Let me know if they’ve changed your mind by dusk.”
4.) ”Twins?” ”Yes.” ”Great..two for the price of one!” Are people for real? 1st of all, let’s get some new lines. This one has been beaten to death. Secondly, the twins have cost far more than one since they were in utero still. Then at the birth, more money, after birth, more diapers, formula, clothing, different stroller, additional crib, high chair, are they kidding me?
Nothing about having twins from conception until they are fending for themselves, is ever two for the price of one. Just thinking about college and weddings makes me shutter .
5) And to those who act like it’s so wonderful because you don’t need to have any more children. I especially hear this a lot from moms of boy/girl twins. You are complete. Says who? I always joke around with people saying, ”I went out with a bang, but I should have had the twins first.” I’m sure if the twins were my first and even if they were boy/girl, I would have had more. I simply hate ASSumptions.
6) Oh and ”One pregnancy..how cool?” I happen to enjoy pregnancy. I did not, however, enjoy my twin pregnancy much because of all of the worry. I had a partner that was in la la land the whole time, so I felt I had little support coming from that direction. I was still in a ‘multiple news stupor’ till the last day they resided inside of my body. I was worried for my other children, worried for how I’d take care of them, worried about pre-term labor, worried for my body. Do people think it’s easy feeling and being stretched to ginormous proportions?
Towards the end I was in agony. My ribs so sore, pubic bone aching, back throbbing. It’s much more pleasant to be pregnant with one. I’d take 3 singleton births than a twin one again. It’s just harder and it’s scary, though I wish I had been less scared and enjoyed it more than I did.
7) And I love when people continue to tell me things that geez..I never knew that before. Like yesterday, ”They are not identical.” ”Really, what gave it away?” Don’t you think I realize that already? I mean..I am their mother! I still laugh when I remember back to the lady at the mall who was a twin herself, telling me to get a DNA test. The doctors were wrong, she insisted. ”They could not be more identical.” I didn’t know that mall employees were allowed to drink on the job, and quite heavily to.
8 ) Why do you dress them alike? Well, because they are twins, and right now they have no say in what I put them in, so I’ll milk that one for as long as humanly possible. ”Why..do you have a problem with that? If so, too bad!”
9) ”When is the next baby coming.” This is more rare than the opposite. I hear more of ”Oh..you’re done.” (Thanks for letting me know.) In about 15 years when I become a grandmother, that’s when the next baby will be coming. I won’t be having any more babies myself unless it’s God’s grandest will, though I think that having a baby after twins would be awesome.
The twins have one another so the jealousy would likely be way less. You have so much experience with two that 1 baby out and about and getting up at night for, would seem so easy. UNLESS, you had two perfect little angels, and one super colicky singleton. That could totally change everything!
11) ”Are they close?” Well, they do seem to take a crap at the exact same time. I think their bowel habits are on the same schedule. If that equals closeness . (I’m so proud!) I don’t know, like any siblings they hug for a second, beat each other to a pulp the next. I say I’m always hoping they will be in the future. This..I cling to!
12) ”Do they sleep in the same bed together?” No. I’m afraid one wouldn’t wake up if they did at this point in time. I do wish they did, and hope they will in the future when I don’t have to fear for their lives that is. It has gotten a bit better, but they have gotten a bit stronger to. ”That’s such a shame”, some people will add. ”Hey sad or not, they are both alive and have all of their hair and teeth in place!” THAT is successful parenting!
13) ”Do you ever wish they were identical?” Yeah, sometimes. Especially when it comes to listening to stupid questions from nimrods like you. (I’m sure it doesn’t ward off all of the crazies though.)
14) ”I feel sorry for you. I think one at a time is just better.” No, I feel sorry for you lady. Just for that statement one day God’s going to send you quadruplets. No, I take that back..you aren’t worthy of multiples. We are an elite ‘club’ of women, hand-picked by God who deemed us worthy of the experience of raising twins or more. It may not always be easy, but the rewards are many, and are great!
15) I got this last one (for now) just the other day. Word for word this middle-age lady said, ”Do you have twins in your family or did you do one of those invitro treatments?” How people can be so ballsy with strangers, I just will never ever know. So what are my choices here?
1) Lie and say they do run in the family. A lie yes.. but it gets you away the quickest.
2) Say no to both and leave their imaginations reeling.
3) Be honest and say, ”Not IVF but IUI”, and then be forced to explain what intrauterine insemination is, and get into a conversation about the differences between the two for another half of an hour. It just doesn’t seem right to have to tell a perfect stranger that my husband’s sperm was washed then via catheter injected deep inside of my uterus and left to swim there while I ovulated.
It’s just wrong. Oh, and to think they could possibly add, ”How did they collect the sperm for it” to the list of super personal questions. “Well I exposed my ta-tas to my husband, and helped him masturbate into a small, sterile cup. It was a wonderfully romantic experience. Are you writing this all down?”
Whelp, this is another installment of stupid things people say to a mother of twins (or more). I’m sure I’ll come up with another installment in the future.
**Disclaimer- Please note that despite anything written here.. (It may sound like YIKES) BUT twins are certainly an amazing experience, and I wouldn’t trade it for the world now, of course. I do feel blessed x’s two. Maybe even more!**