12/31/2009 :: New Years Eve:..My Hopes & Dreams: 28 wks 2 days Pregnant
It’s that time of year again. I simply CANNOT believe that it’s been a decade since i was sitting at my computer writing about how petrified i was that at the stroke of midnight Y2K was going to hit, and we’d all be in darkness. I was storing some canned goods, possibly thinking the world as we know it, may be coming to an end , HEHE, just shakin in my boots, sitting at home, having a few drinks, cause if it was going to occur…the fear of the absolute unknown, well then, let that soften the blow just a bit:)
But here we are still safe and sound, all these years later. Amazing how fast time passes us by. In ten years life has changed so drastically. I have a 4 year old little girl, i love more then life itself, i have twin girls on the way, still shocking, but i know, when i see them, they will also be my heart, like all my others. My son is now a teenager, and I am just soo very proud, of the young man he is turning out to be.
I everyday, mourn the loss of my precious child, taken too soon, so unfairly, 5 long, but very short years ago, life has surely changed. I miss him everyday, but i know he’s never far from me, which always brings me peace. It’s just hard sometimes, all the time really.
I’m a stronger person indeed, but i gotto say that at times, after having to have so much strength in this life, from the very start, i just want honestly, more then most anything, to be weak. Does that sound crazy? To not have to ever be so strong again, never face such tragedy, and adversity, never have to suffer through such trials and tribulations, and this is what i hope for for the new year. one of many things…..
I wish to never again live in the past, but to live in the moment more, and allow myself the freedom from the chains that held me down for so very long, and the right to heal and mend, body, spirit, mind, and soul. To hold the blessings that life and God HAS given me, closer to my heart then ever before, and cherish them, and each and every new memory made, leaving all sadness and woe behind me.
Being the mother i always dreamed i could and would be, from as long as i can remember, just as a little girl myself…restoring all of my childhood dreams and passions. Putting the light and sparkle back into my eyes, that has gone dark for so long, from all of the heartache. Making something out my life i can look back on with pride, yes my children i always do and always will, feel immensely proud of myself for, but it would be nice to feel important in this world, for more then soley that, to make myself proud, because i know i was always meant for big things, and hate feeling like i never got to acheieve a one of them, aside from that, which is huge, don’t get me wrong, but i had so many dreams that went unfulfilled because i was knocked down, and now i want to do something for me, that will show the world, Hey, self doubt, you didn’t win…i have succeeded, and I can be proud of me!
I want to be the best ME, i can possibly be, the best person. I want optimism back in my life. I want to be the best wife, i want the love light to fully re-ignite, and to stay lit and luminate brighter then ever, forever. Just all of it! Looking towards the future, with a clean slate, a new start, a much more positive view of things, and as perfect a life as can posibly be.
I wish us prosperity in the new year..GOOD things ahead, no more bad. Bad has been way too overdone, it’s time for happiness, and elation, no more tears, but celebration. All the good that can be, i pray will be, for the new year…2010! May God watch out for us, and bless us all!!
My new Years resolution is to fight to do all the things mentioned here, to make them happen, and make a better life a reality, and not just a dream, too far out of my reach. it’s now time..FINALLY… to reach it!!!
HAPPY NEW YEAR (COME MIDNIGHT)….2010!!!